I have been VERY intentional to my commitment to unplug. I've had far less screen time and much more face time. For a few weeks, I removed Facebook from my phone. I knew it would be tempting to get caught in the trap of looking for a bit and staying on too long. I purposefully became present in life. It's been a constant goal, but I am a bit more focused on living "BEING" here completely.
I've struggled in some areas, and am realizing sometimes I look at the screens of life to avoid some painful realities God is prompting my heart to see. But, I'm okay with that. I know my Father is big enough to help me overcome.
It's really cool how that oBEdience thing works.....following those promptings even when they seem challenging, and seeing a nice fruitful harvest. And truth is, it usually is not as hard as the enemy tries to make us believe. The anticipation of being obedient is actually the hardest part, and that's our flesh screaming to hold on to something we'd be better off without. Another truth is I already have what it takes to succeed, I just have to BElieve it.
I'm not sure of a lot, but I am sure that God has our best interests at heart, always.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
BE courageous. BE strong.
Something really unfamiliar, but exciting, is happening.
The spirit of fear and timidity is dissipating within me.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
The Lord called me down a road of seeking Him only. To choose to tune out all other voices. To trust that I can come to His throne.
Hebrews 4:16
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
It has not felt comfortable. It has felt unfamiliar. I have had bad days! I have felt panicked! But I have always felt Him right there, soothing my insecurities.
Deuteronomy 31:6
So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the L ord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
I trust the Lord's voice above man. No one else can tell me "when I am ready" to follow the Lord's voice. I am aware of the obstacles the enemy will throw in my path. Most of the time it's through something posing as the Lord's wisdom. But I can BE courageous. I can BE strong. I can stand firm.
1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
We arrived at the hospital at about 11 a.m. on the day of Noah's surgery. We waited about 2 hours before they called us back. They took Noah's vitals and we went through the usual steps and questions. On my side of the family, there is a family history of an anesthesia reaction called Malignant Hypothermia. It is a very serious complication. For any of Noah's surgeries, they take the precautions necessary to prevent any reaction. The machines have to be completely cleaned of any triggering agent. I mentioned this at his last appointment to the doctor who said he would make sure it was noted everywhere. However, I have discovered that no matter how many times you mention this, somehow it slips through the cracks of communication. At a previous surgery, even though we had told several people, it was missed. Had I not mentioned it, Noah would have been at risk. I actually called four times prior to this surgery, and knew the doctor had noted it, but somehow it happened again. So when this happens, surgery gets delayed due to waiting on cleaning the machines. I was frustrated that this happened again. Noah's doctor was also frustrated. But it was what it was, so we waited another 45 minutes for Noah to be wheeled away for surgery.
He was so sweet. He was taking pictures on his DS of all the people who came in the room. He was very calm and relaxed. It's like he has a supernatural understanding beyond his years. It's amazing. When they started talking about possible complications, which I had heard most of them before, my anxiety levels were rising. It's the point where you feel like taking your child and running away. But, I knew that the benefits far outweigh the risks. Risk though, is always a scary reality, and it's never easy to listen to what "might" happen, even if it's a 1 in a thousand chance. Throughout Noah's life, he has been on the other side of the statistical stance several times. So I began to internally begin what Mamas do best, worry and wish that this was a decision I didn't have to make.
I stayed calm and strong for Noah, but as soon as they took him away, I told Jason I needed a bathroom to cry in. I don't know why, but I like to hide when I cry. So I went in and let it out. Even though I was crying and sad, I still had peace. I was anxious, because it's never easy to let your child go into an operating room, no matter how small or big the risk. There is still a possibility of something going wrong, so it's near impossible to be content until you are holding them again.
So we ate lunch and came back into the waiting room about an hour and a half later. Then it got to the three hour mark and we got a phone update from the nurse. I was assuming it would be to let us know the surgery was over, but she said it was going to take 2 more hours. She said Noah was doing great but that it took a little longer to get a good look at what was going on around the ear bones. The doctor had told us that he wouldn't know exactly what was going on until he was inside Noah's ear, so I was thinking that it must have been really complicated! I still had peace but I was really anxious to see Noah.
We got another update about an hour later and she said he was doing good and should be done by 7 p.m. The last 2 hours were the longest. I hadn't prepared to wait this long, but that's what it took. At about 7, Noah's doctor came out to the waiting room and explained what he had found. He told us it was the most complicated case he has ever seen. There is a facial nerve that runs through the ear which we had heard about during the "risk talk". If damage is done to that nerve, it can cause permanent paralysis of the face, and it would appear as though the person had a stroke. He said Noah's nerve actually split around the ear bones and join back together on the other side. He had only seen this once before and said he would maybe see it three times in his whole career. It is extremely rare. There is Noah on the other side of the statistics again. His doctor went into great depth and drew many diagrams for us to understand exactly what he had seen and had to do. He mentioned that if the surgery had been done by a doctor who wasn't very aware of the nerve split, it could have been very bad. Immediately, I was thankful that Noah was placed in his hands. I had always felt peace about this doctor. (He wasn't Noah's usual ENT, his ENT actually referred us to him due to his expertise as a surgeon of these type issues.) He also told us that only one bone in Noah's ear, the stapes, was abnormal. And it was the bone prosthesis that gives him the best possibility of hearing again. The other two bones, which could have been more complicated to restore hearing, were fine. So he took Noah's stapes out, and replaced it with a prosthesis. He rebuilt Noah's ear drum with some cartilage from his own ear and then completed the surgery. There is another awesome element of this surgery as well. He had planned to make an incision and basically lay Noah's ear open to do this procedure. Even though Noah had the split nerve, he was able to see well enough with the endoscope to do the procedure without making the incision! This is really awesome because that would have added to Noah's discomfort and recovery aspects.
Jason said to me, "now we know why this was the perfect timing." Noah hasn't been able to hear since birth and we knew it was probably due to a congenital defect in the ear. However, Noah's journey has been carefully played out one step at a time. Yes we have ultimately made decisions about what is next, but I can tell you that God has led us to know when to take the next step. I can't completely explain it, but somehow my heart has known even without knowing what is going on. Sometimes you just can't fully explain it, it's the living spirit of Christ and I am forever eternally thankful for the love of God. And sometimes even though we get scared, feel anxious, mad at the situation, and even feel like we have no idea how to hear from God, when all is said and done, it makes perfect sense. I can say that I am not sure of why things happen in this life, but I can say I am sure God is with us every step of the way. His love for us surpasses our understanding, but in my heart I have a constant reassurance He is always present. He can handle our emotions, and we don't have to have it all figured out. I know Jesus was with Noah, I just know it. He was guiding the surgeon's hands just as many had prayed. He was holding my hand and giving me peace in the middle of my worries.
And as for Noah, his only complaint was that the mask they put on him was covering his eyes and he couldn't see. He woke up from surgery smiling. The nurse said he was very mature for his age and was the best patient of the day. We hear that a lot, amazement at the strength and understanding he has to be such a young boy. I also can't explain the special spirit Noah has, but I can say that I am extremely thankful that God chose me to be his mother. Noah's journey has broke my heart more than I could express, but the pure joy and love I feel from being entrusted to care for him makes it all make sense. He has been my greatest teacher in discovering how much God loves us. I have a feeling Noah will teach many people the love of God over the course of His life.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
He was so sweet. He was taking pictures on his DS of all the people who came in the room. He was very calm and relaxed. It's like he has a supernatural understanding beyond his years. It's amazing. When they started talking about possible complications, which I had heard most of them before, my anxiety levels were rising. It's the point where you feel like taking your child and running away. But, I knew that the benefits far outweigh the risks. Risk though, is always a scary reality, and it's never easy to listen to what "might" happen, even if it's a 1 in a thousand chance. Throughout Noah's life, he has been on the other side of the statistical stance several times. So I began to internally begin what Mamas do best, worry and wish that this was a decision I didn't have to make.
I stayed calm and strong for Noah, but as soon as they took him away, I told Jason I needed a bathroom to cry in. I don't know why, but I like to hide when I cry. So I went in and let it out. Even though I was crying and sad, I still had peace. I was anxious, because it's never easy to let your child go into an operating room, no matter how small or big the risk. There is still a possibility of something going wrong, so it's near impossible to be content until you are holding them again.
So we ate lunch and came back into the waiting room about an hour and a half later. Then it got to the three hour mark and we got a phone update from the nurse. I was assuming it would be to let us know the surgery was over, but she said it was going to take 2 more hours. She said Noah was doing great but that it took a little longer to get a good look at what was going on around the ear bones. The doctor had told us that he wouldn't know exactly what was going on until he was inside Noah's ear, so I was thinking that it must have been really complicated! I still had peace but I was really anxious to see Noah.
We got another update about an hour later and she said he was doing good and should be done by 7 p.m. The last 2 hours were the longest. I hadn't prepared to wait this long, but that's what it took. At about 7, Noah's doctor came out to the waiting room and explained what he had found. He told us it was the most complicated case he has ever seen. There is a facial nerve that runs through the ear which we had heard about during the "risk talk". If damage is done to that nerve, it can cause permanent paralysis of the face, and it would appear as though the person had a stroke. He said Noah's nerve actually split around the ear bones and join back together on the other side. He had only seen this once before and said he would maybe see it three times in his whole career. It is extremely rare. There is Noah on the other side of the statistics again. His doctor went into great depth and drew many diagrams for us to understand exactly what he had seen and had to do. He mentioned that if the surgery had been done by a doctor who wasn't very aware of the nerve split, it could have been very bad. Immediately, I was thankful that Noah was placed in his hands. I had always felt peace about this doctor. (He wasn't Noah's usual ENT, his ENT actually referred us to him due to his expertise as a surgeon of these type issues.) He also told us that only one bone in Noah's ear, the stapes, was abnormal. And it was the bone prosthesis that gives him the best possibility of hearing again. The other two bones, which could have been more complicated to restore hearing, were fine. So he took Noah's stapes out, and replaced it with a prosthesis. He rebuilt Noah's ear drum with some cartilage from his own ear and then completed the surgery. There is another awesome element of this surgery as well. He had planned to make an incision and basically lay Noah's ear open to do this procedure. Even though Noah had the split nerve, he was able to see well enough with the endoscope to do the procedure without making the incision! This is really awesome because that would have added to Noah's discomfort and recovery aspects.
Jason said to me, "now we know why this was the perfect timing." Noah hasn't been able to hear since birth and we knew it was probably due to a congenital defect in the ear. However, Noah's journey has been carefully played out one step at a time. Yes we have ultimately made decisions about what is next, but I can tell you that God has led us to know when to take the next step. I can't completely explain it, but somehow my heart has known even without knowing what is going on. Sometimes you just can't fully explain it, it's the living spirit of Christ and I am forever eternally thankful for the love of God. And sometimes even though we get scared, feel anxious, mad at the situation, and even feel like we have no idea how to hear from God, when all is said and done, it makes perfect sense. I can say that I am not sure of why things happen in this life, but I can say I am sure God is with us every step of the way. His love for us surpasses our understanding, but in my heart I have a constant reassurance He is always present. He can handle our emotions, and we don't have to have it all figured out. I know Jesus was with Noah, I just know it. He was guiding the surgeon's hands just as many had prayed. He was holding my hand and giving me peace in the middle of my worries.
And as for Noah, his only complaint was that the mask they put on him was covering his eyes and he couldn't see. He woke up from surgery smiling. The nurse said he was very mature for his age and was the best patient of the day. We hear that a lot, amazement at the strength and understanding he has to be such a young boy. I also can't explain the special spirit Noah has, but I can say that I am extremely thankful that God chose me to be his mother. Noah's journey has broke my heart more than I could express, but the pure joy and love I feel from being entrusted to care for him makes it all make sense. He has been my greatest teacher in discovering how much God loves us. I have a feeling Noah will teach many people the love of God over the course of His life.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
I have a feeling Noah definitely knows that full well, and I absolutely know he is fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
The Love of My LIfe
I am blessed with a wonderful husband. He definitely makes life fun! His energy is contagious and has carried me through many times when I've had none!
But my husband also has an amazing heart. I want to share something that he did recently that made me really proud to be his wife.
One of the managers he works under was recently diagnosed with cancer. He is really young. He is really sick and has been in the hospital for a while.
A couple of weeks ago, Jason went to speak to a group of new salesmen. He is really successful at work, and has encouraged and helped many others to have success in their job. His heart is always looking to offer advice to anyone who reaches out to him. I love that about him!
He was in the area, so he went by to visit his friend in the hospital. But he went above just visiting. He took his ukelele in and played for him. He mentioned that it must be hard to just lay in a hospital bed all the time, so he was hoping to lift his spirits.
As he was playing, a lady about my age walked by. She asked the nurse to ask Jason to come play for her as well. So he did. He played for a complete stranger. And it made her day.
Not only did he play for them, he played his ukelele walking down the halls of the hospital and in the elevator. He said people were smiling and giving him thumbs up. And he did this in his work uniform, which made me laugh. A really tall, handsome Orkin man, walking around the halls of a hospital playing a little ukelele.
After I got off the phone with him, I actually cried. It touched my heart so deeply. One of the things I love most about my husband is that he doesn't think about what other people think about him. He is genuine. Sometimes people, really uptight people, don't know how to take this freedom he expresses. But I LOVE IT! I know God blessed me in the most amazing way when he brought Jason into my life. I actually was one of those uptight people who didn't like him so much when I first met him. But I'm glad I gave him a chance because he has helped me to overcome so much. I couldn't ask for a better life partner.
I love you Jason. I couldn't ask for a better husband. I am thankful that God paired us together in this life. I know eternity is going to be even better. And I know you worry that you won't be able to kiss me in heaven, but I have a feeling God won't mind if we do.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Noah's Surgery
Noah will have surgery on his right ear on May 24th. He has had hearing loss in that ear since birth. Now that his left ear is healthy, it is time for the next step on his healing journey. An MRI detected a structural abnormality of the bones in his middle ear. His ear drum is also very retracted.
So the ear surgeon suggested that his ear drum needed to be fixed and that a prosthesis can be be used to replace the bones that aren't functioning correctly.
When hearing tests are done, there is a way to bypass the middle ear and do a bone test to see if the nerves are working to transmit sound. Good news is that Noah has the ability to hear, but the middle ear bones are not delivering the sounds to the inner ear. So if all is successful, and we are believing for that, he will be able to hear!
Of course my Mama heart is anxious. It's a 3 hour surgery. Of course I'd take it away if I could. Of course I am praying A LOT!
But OF COURSE, our God has provided a way. Again. I don't know what the outcome will be, but my heart has peace. If Noah's hearing is restored, I will be leaping and maybe even do a cartwheel, even if it's only on the inside. I am VERY THANKFUL that this procedure exists to give Noah the opportunity to heal. HOW MIRACULOUS IS THAT!!!
I pray that his body accepts the prosthesis and my boy can hear. I pray that the doctor's hands are guided by Jesus' hands. I pray that Noah's recovery is quick and painless. I pray for comfort in those praying for him. I commission angels to surround him always, but maybe a few more angels will show up on May 24th at 1 p.m.
As always, when my heart is sad, God reminds me that Noah is in the palm of His hand and He loves him far more than I ever could imagine. That has to be an insane amount, because I sure do love him a lot.
When you pray for Noah and our family, I feel your strength. So to those of you praying for us, thank you so very much.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Enjoy the Ride
This year, I felt God calling me to discover the "basics". Sounds vague doesn't it!
Sometimes life gets so overcomplicated. I sometimes find myself digging into a deep hole of trying to find the "best way" to carry out my days on this Earth. I want to know how my Father intended me to live out this fleeting moment. I don't want to get caught up in the rapid flow of the world. Instead, I want to be carried in the flow by my Creator. I think that means, doing things differently.
Sometimes I don't even think I know who "I" am so much. But I do know I want to be AUTHENTIC! I want meaningful relationships. I want to LOVE this journey! The ups and the downs....because it's all GOD!
I want to live in the moment. Cliche', yes, but to really notice the beauty of the place of the stream I'm on, not looking ahead to see where the other fish are! I think all too often we miss Him because we focus too much on what others have that we don't.
I want to be genuinely happy in the moment with an attitude of THANKS! When I am thinking about who I can tell about my happiness, I'm probably not really "getting" it. I'm still trying to please people. But when I'm loving life and giving thanks is enough, that's authentic.
I want genuine relationships, where authentic is sometimes ugly! I don't want to have to pretend I'm working the "formula" to have friends. I want my life to be super intwined with my Daddy, so that I am not looking to others to verify my actions!
So what does this "basic" mean?
So far, I've figured out it means being still. Really listening and trusting God. Not trying to fix things or people, but learning to love and forgive. Recognizing old patterns and knowing that even though they arise, they do not define me. Learning from the hard stuff! Sitting with the hard stuff when I don't know what else to do. Somewhere, there's the key to the next door. This is basics.
I don't have to know any formulas really. Being really really present and open to learn from experiences is the only formula I need. Jesus solved them all. I just have to rest in Him. I feel like for the first time in my life, I'm learning what my identity in Christ means. And it has by no means been "normal". God has led me in some new streams, but I'm enjoying this ride. After all, isn't the one who created us the best Captain to choose!
Update on Mr. Noah
Noah has already had a busy year on his journey to healing! We found out in January that the pin-size hole in his left ear drum was closed! It was a long wait, but well worth it! I am thankful that his ear is healthy and hearing well! It was a day I will always remember!
He also got a great report on his eye exam last Friday! He had the surgery to correct the lazy eye when he was 3 and his eyes were starting to drift out a bit last year. We decided to take him back to our local guy, instead of the pro-surgery Vanderbilt guy because, well, that surgery was the toughest! So I felt God leading us back there, and about 8 months later, Noah's eyes are looking great! He only has to wear his glasses for reading, computer, school work, and TV time!
The next step is to get his right ear functioning better. Noah's hearing tests have always been a confusing thing. We know he has the ability to transmit sound waves to the brain, but something in the middle ear has prevented all sounds from getting to the inner ear, so he has a big hearing loss in that ear. He went to see a new ENT who does surgery to correct structural ear issues. He discovered that Noah's right ear drum was very retracted and needs to be fixed as soon as possible. So we scheduled a cat scan for next month and will go from there.
I am so very thankful for the progress and so very thankful for the procedures to help Noah hear better!
God works in many ways, and I trust that in each step, Noah is being carried in His hands. I'm thankful that through this journey, I have learned so much about what it means to really trust God. And that MIRACLES come in many forms. Sometimes it takes a season(or two) to learn that, but in the end God is always GOOD! He's always on our side!
He also got a great report on his eye exam last Friday! He had the surgery to correct the lazy eye when he was 3 and his eyes were starting to drift out a bit last year. We decided to take him back to our local guy, instead of the pro-surgery Vanderbilt guy because, well, that surgery was the toughest! So I felt God leading us back there, and about 8 months later, Noah's eyes are looking great! He only has to wear his glasses for reading, computer, school work, and TV time!
The next step is to get his right ear functioning better. Noah's hearing tests have always been a confusing thing. We know he has the ability to transmit sound waves to the brain, but something in the middle ear has prevented all sounds from getting to the inner ear, so he has a big hearing loss in that ear. He went to see a new ENT who does surgery to correct structural ear issues. He discovered that Noah's right ear drum was very retracted and needs to be fixed as soon as possible. So we scheduled a cat scan for next month and will go from there.
I am so very thankful for the progress and so very thankful for the procedures to help Noah hear better!
God works in many ways, and I trust that in each step, Noah is being carried in His hands. I'm thankful that through this journey, I have learned so much about what it means to really trust God. And that MIRACLES come in many forms. Sometimes it takes a season(or two) to learn that, but in the end God is always GOOD! He's always on our side!
Friday, November 9, 2012
He KNOWS me.
Last night, after the kids went to bed, I was watching Glee. I admit it, I like to watch a show or two occasionally. It has some really strange topics and I would not want my teen to watch, but I do like the musical creativity aspect. And sometimes, it has a good lesson, sometimes. Okay enough on explaining why I spend my time watching such a controversial show. The show was a Christmas episode and it was focused on showing how our culture is so disconnected from the "reason for the season." They mentioned Jesus a couple of times, and in the last scene, actually read part of the Christmas story from the Bible. I was surprised, but it still came across as very lacking and the stereo-typical "I understand what Christmas is really about, so don't judge me" vibe. Something was just missing.
The same scenario plays out, especially in America, in many realms. Hollywood, media, politics, religion, etc. People are not really sure what they believe about the man who they have been told is the Savior of the world. So it's almost become culturally popular to say, "I admit Jesus existed, and I was raised as a Christian, but He is just one of many great prophets, so to each his own belief."
Tonight while I was driving I was talking to God about the world and the different views on who Jesus is. I am sometimes confused at why it is so hard for people to see the freedom that comes in a relationship with their Creator because He loved us so much He GAVE His only Son for US. And He answered me, "Some people choose to acknowledge my Son, and some people choose to know Him."
Acknowledge: To admit the existence, reality, truth of.
Know: To regard as true, beyond a doubt. To have experience of.
That pretty much sums it up, I can't add a lot to that. It changed my perspective, made me want to know Him more so that those who only acknowledge Him will see the difference also. It is not my job to fix or judge someone's understanding of the Father and His Son, but I can love them and show them what it's like to experience and live a TRUE, beyond a doubt life that is centered on my relationship with Him. He KNOWS me! And my desire is to KNOW Him more.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Relationships
Today I was talking with God about how people treat one another. It breaks my heart. I know I'm not perfect at this, but I really do try to see the good in others. Or to see the root of what might be causing them to act so-called "out of the norm". Whatever the norm is.
I was reading a note from a friend on Facebook about vain imaginations. Basically, thinking something is about you when in fact it usually is not. And even if it is about you, it's not true. Anything negative is not the truth, it's just that person's opinion. No matter how scripture covered they make it. Sure you may be doing something "wrong" in their eyes, but really who is anyone to say what is "wrong" for someone. It was a very good note that made me ask God "why do good people get so caught up in vain imaginations?"
We are all walking out this life, hopefully guided by our Father's wisdom, so to say someone is doing something wrong is only based on your opinion of your reality. When people can't look past their reality and see what God may be doing in someone else's life, then they are not operating in Grace. Grace loves that person and you can remove your opinion and see GOOD in them, just like our Father does for us!
Maybe that person needs that so called "wrong" path, to work things out in their heart, in order to see the "right". I am quoting those because it isn't a one size fits all approach, wrong or right is all relative. What is right/wrong for you may not be right/wrong for someone else. Look at how different we all are, how our paths are so unique, could a one size fits all approach work for everyone? And I am not talking about accepting the love of our awesome savior, before you get your panties in a wad. I think Christ is the absolute answer to walking this life out in peace, He was the perfect example, He was our Father, showing us how much He loved us. He restored our relationship, because He is absolute LOVE!! I am not talking about absolute truths either, I think it must line up with the word of God, but mainly I am talking about judging and the crust it places on the heart.
But, once you have the identity of Christ, guess what, your walk and mine may look very different. And if focus on how wrong my walk is, guess what, you won't focus on how to see the plan for your life. You can not fit into someone else's mold, it's impossible! And you shouldn't expect others to fit into your mold! If you find yourself picking out faults in a specific person often, you should probably see that as an opportunity to examine your own heart. Usually, there is something we need to see when we start judging others. God is big enough to protect you and that person, and anyone involved. Imagine how cool it would be if we could all TRUST God to show us truth and how to love one another instead of putting up walls because of our judgements! Jesus, our amazing savior, said it best "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." The sin was their judgement.
So God answered my question, "people get caught up in vain imaginations because they try to love based on conditions." Wow, yes, you are absolutely right, that is the problem. We cannot love based on conditions, or that love will fade as soon as that person does something we don't agree with. Then your heart will default to thinking everyone is talking about you because you are loving conditionally instead of unconditionally. God loves us unconditionally and that is what we are supposed to do. It may not come easy if you aren't in constant fellowship with him on a heart level. If your opinions are based on head knowledge and not heart knowledge. There is a huge difference and you know it once you feel it.
It is okay to hang around people you agree with, just make sure that agreement is your walk and not someone elses. I know there are biblical truths and a thousand opinions on what one small scripture means! So what to do? TRUST that the God who created you will reveal truth to you past any man's words. I am not bragging, but sometimes God puts truths into my heart before I even know it's in the Bible. For real, how awesome is that! I am not good at Bible quoting, AT ALL, and that used to bother me. But now, I am glad that I am not, because the living Word always shows me truth. And most always, it is confirmed quickly. Sometimes through the written word, nature, a song, and even through another man's words. It is very easy to see what God is saying actually. You just have to be sensitive and in the moment to see it. If your brain is cluttered with vain imaginations, judgements, whatever, you will have trouble seeing it.
I know from experience, but God can deliver you from your "ways". lol He is good, we are created to have loving peaceful relationships. I know there is ugly out there, and I know you can't just go out and give everyone a hug on the street. You have to be wise. But those around you, those you really love and know their kindness, their hearts, why not remove those judgements and restore that relationship? God wants us to do that, to be the bigger person, to love without condition. It's not always easy, but the fruit from rekindling broken relationships with those you really love, imagine the peace that will follow. Vain imaginations are a waste of head space. Don't allow them to rob the relationship from someone you really care about.
I was reading a note from a friend on Facebook about vain imaginations. Basically, thinking something is about you when in fact it usually is not. And even if it is about you, it's not true. Anything negative is not the truth, it's just that person's opinion. No matter how scripture covered they make it. Sure you may be doing something "wrong" in their eyes, but really who is anyone to say what is "wrong" for someone. It was a very good note that made me ask God "why do good people get so caught up in vain imaginations?"
We are all walking out this life, hopefully guided by our Father's wisdom, so to say someone is doing something wrong is only based on your opinion of your reality. When people can't look past their reality and see what God may be doing in someone else's life, then they are not operating in Grace. Grace loves that person and you can remove your opinion and see GOOD in them, just like our Father does for us!
Maybe that person needs that so called "wrong" path, to work things out in their heart, in order to see the "right". I am quoting those because it isn't a one size fits all approach, wrong or right is all relative. What is right/wrong for you may not be right/wrong for someone else. Look at how different we all are, how our paths are so unique, could a one size fits all approach work for everyone? And I am not talking about accepting the love of our awesome savior, before you get your panties in a wad. I think Christ is the absolute answer to walking this life out in peace, He was the perfect example, He was our Father, showing us how much He loved us. He restored our relationship, because He is absolute LOVE!! I am not talking about absolute truths either, I think it must line up with the word of God, but mainly I am talking about judging and the crust it places on the heart.
But, once you have the identity of Christ, guess what, your walk and mine may look very different. And if focus on how wrong my walk is, guess what, you won't focus on how to see the plan for your life. You can not fit into someone else's mold, it's impossible! And you shouldn't expect others to fit into your mold! If you find yourself picking out faults in a specific person often, you should probably see that as an opportunity to examine your own heart. Usually, there is something we need to see when we start judging others. God is big enough to protect you and that person, and anyone involved. Imagine how cool it would be if we could all TRUST God to show us truth and how to love one another instead of putting up walls because of our judgements! Jesus, our amazing savior, said it best "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." The sin was their judgement.
So God answered my question, "people get caught up in vain imaginations because they try to love based on conditions." Wow, yes, you are absolutely right, that is the problem. We cannot love based on conditions, or that love will fade as soon as that person does something we don't agree with. Then your heart will default to thinking everyone is talking about you because you are loving conditionally instead of unconditionally. God loves us unconditionally and that is what we are supposed to do. It may not come easy if you aren't in constant fellowship with him on a heart level. If your opinions are based on head knowledge and not heart knowledge. There is a huge difference and you know it once you feel it.
It is okay to hang around people you agree with, just make sure that agreement is your walk and not someone elses. I know there are biblical truths and a thousand opinions on what one small scripture means! So what to do? TRUST that the God who created you will reveal truth to you past any man's words. I am not bragging, but sometimes God puts truths into my heart before I even know it's in the Bible. For real, how awesome is that! I am not good at Bible quoting, AT ALL, and that used to bother me. But now, I am glad that I am not, because the living Word always shows me truth. And most always, it is confirmed quickly. Sometimes through the written word, nature, a song, and even through another man's words. It is very easy to see what God is saying actually. You just have to be sensitive and in the moment to see it. If your brain is cluttered with vain imaginations, judgements, whatever, you will have trouble seeing it.
I know from experience, but God can deliver you from your "ways". lol He is good, we are created to have loving peaceful relationships. I know there is ugly out there, and I know you can't just go out and give everyone a hug on the street. You have to be wise. But those around you, those you really love and know their kindness, their hearts, why not remove those judgements and restore that relationship? God wants us to do that, to be the bigger person, to love without condition. It's not always easy, but the fruit from rekindling broken relationships with those you really love, imagine the peace that will follow. Vain imaginations are a waste of head space. Don't allow them to rob the relationship from someone you really care about.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Here's to Health
As do most people, I made a resolution this year to improve my health. I don't think the past few years I have gotten too goal oriented on this matter, because I was either pregnant or had a wee-wittle baby. However, health and wellness is a passion of mine. I think it might even be my ministry, not sure how that will develop, but I enjoy it and think about helping other people A LOT!
I made a vision board and wrote down a few goals that I am striving for in life. It was a positive experience because I really don't live life out of a lack mentality anymore. My mantra really is limitless! I know it takes time and patience to go from 0 to 100, but I have real hope and peace.
So this year, my health goals feel attainable. My vision board has a before picture of me on it, and I have a goal outfit on. It doesn't fit, lol. And honestly, it's not that great or anything, but I want to fit into it! The t-shirt was given to me when I was pregnant with Elijah and the back of it says "Metamorphosis" with a purple butterfly. I just love it because it came from a special couple during a special occasion in our lives. It was small and I have NEVER worn it, until I took that picture. Anyway, I can't wait to wear it and it will fit!
I have had a mind shift. I have allowed my thyroid problems to really dominate my view of my health. I let it take me to that "victim" place. I used it as the excuse for why I always felt low-energy and couldn't lose weight despite knowing SO much about natural health and wellness. It was real and I did feel very bad at times, but much of my weight gain is my own fault. I ate too much, even if it was healthier choices, and exercised too little. Simple as that!
I know the reality that even though I eat WAY healthier than I used to in my skinny days, I now have a food issue. I do emotional eat and I do seek food for comfort when I am having a rough day. And I eat when I'm bored. I know where this all started, after the birth of Noah. Before this, I didn't have a food emotional issue, but through the emotions of those experiences, I turned to food. Sometimes it was even obsessive on the healthy end, because I wanted control. But once I would make a mistake, I would give up and unconciously eat for comfort.
So, that brings me to NOW. I am at a good mental place. I still love food and want to eat for comfort, but I'm seeing what it is when it happens and make the choice not to do it. I used to give myself the excuse that I am eating organic/whole foods, which is a better choice, but I still ate TOO much and emotionally ate it! I have taught health and wellness classes at church a couple of times. The first time, I was actually pretty healthy and in a good place. In the middle of teaching these, I got pregnant and miscarried, and couldn't keep teaching. I was just too devastated to continue. I then became really obsessive about eating natural and organic because I felt like I needed to control anything I could so I wouldn't lose another baby. I was off the deep end emotionally and began to live in a crazy cycle of eating/exercising and then overeating/not exercising, depending upon my emotional state.
Last year, a friend asked me to teach health and wellness to our ladie's life group on Sunday morning. I said "yes" but felt like a hipocrite. I did do the things I taught and many of the women were blessed by it, but I condemned myself because I didn't "practice what I preached" 100% of the time. Silly I know, because who does it all right all the time. Then I heard another friend say, "we usually teach and focus on what we really are trying to overcome ourselves." Wow, that was an eye opener.
I am passionate about healthy living, really passionate actually. I love reading about it and helping others. It is a natural passion and I see it more clearly as that now. I heard this past week that many times our "ministry" is formed out of our biggest struggles/hardships/hurdles in life. I had another moment of revelation. Since Noah's birth, our family has faced a lot of physical health issues. We have paid A LOT of our income to medical bills. I have had a really hard time with my thyroid. I have been prayed for A LOT and have prayed A LOT concerning healing. I do believe in the power of healing, 100% even though sometimes it didn't happen the way I would have liked. I will never stop believing that by His stripes I am healed.
I also believe that we have choices to make. Just because I believe in healing, doesn't mean I can mistreat my body. I CAN choose to eat healthy, I CAN choose to not overeat, and I CAN choose to exercise. I am ABLE to do all these things and have NO excuses to not do them. I realize that with having a health challenge, you may have bad days and you may get sick, but it shouldn't dictate the good days! I let my thyroid dictate my good days, even if they weren't that often for a while. I fell victim to the circumstance instead of holding onto the promise of healing. I am holding onto that promise and seeing EVERY challenge as a vehicle to get me to my destiny.
So I am making better choices, and knowing that if I mess up, I am not doomed to stay that way. I have the tools, I know the basics, plus some, and I have the strength of the holy spirit guiding me. I will become healthier and I will share this with others. I will be patient and kind to myself. I will be open to seeing different avenues that I haven't seen before. I know I do not have to believe that because I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition that I have no hope of healing. I will believe as long as I have to that I am healed. If nothing happens, and I believe until I die, so be it. I know that my Father will give me the tools on my path to being delivered from this. I just know it.
I know this post is ALL over the place, but I had to proclaim it. I have already seen the fruit of it since I made the decision to live it. I look forward to feeling even better and seeing how God uses me to minister to others.
I made a vision board and wrote down a few goals that I am striving for in life. It was a positive experience because I really don't live life out of a lack mentality anymore. My mantra really is limitless! I know it takes time and patience to go from 0 to 100, but I have real hope and peace.
So this year, my health goals feel attainable. My vision board has a before picture of me on it, and I have a goal outfit on. It doesn't fit, lol. And honestly, it's not that great or anything, but I want to fit into it! The t-shirt was given to me when I was pregnant with Elijah and the back of it says "Metamorphosis" with a purple butterfly. I just love it because it came from a special couple during a special occasion in our lives. It was small and I have NEVER worn it, until I took that picture. Anyway, I can't wait to wear it and it will fit!
I have had a mind shift. I have allowed my thyroid problems to really dominate my view of my health. I let it take me to that "victim" place. I used it as the excuse for why I always felt low-energy and couldn't lose weight despite knowing SO much about natural health and wellness. It was real and I did feel very bad at times, but much of my weight gain is my own fault. I ate too much, even if it was healthier choices, and exercised too little. Simple as that!
I know the reality that even though I eat WAY healthier than I used to in my skinny days, I now have a food issue. I do emotional eat and I do seek food for comfort when I am having a rough day. And I eat when I'm bored. I know where this all started, after the birth of Noah. Before this, I didn't have a food emotional issue, but through the emotions of those experiences, I turned to food. Sometimes it was even obsessive on the healthy end, because I wanted control. But once I would make a mistake, I would give up and unconciously eat for comfort.
So, that brings me to NOW. I am at a good mental place. I still love food and want to eat for comfort, but I'm seeing what it is when it happens and make the choice not to do it. I used to give myself the excuse that I am eating organic/whole foods, which is a better choice, but I still ate TOO much and emotionally ate it! I have taught health and wellness classes at church a couple of times. The first time, I was actually pretty healthy and in a good place. In the middle of teaching these, I got pregnant and miscarried, and couldn't keep teaching. I was just too devastated to continue. I then became really obsessive about eating natural and organic because I felt like I needed to control anything I could so I wouldn't lose another baby. I was off the deep end emotionally and began to live in a crazy cycle of eating/exercising and then overeating/not exercising, depending upon my emotional state.
Last year, a friend asked me to teach health and wellness to our ladie's life group on Sunday morning. I said "yes" but felt like a hipocrite. I did do the things I taught and many of the women were blessed by it, but I condemned myself because I didn't "practice what I preached" 100% of the time. Silly I know, because who does it all right all the time. Then I heard another friend say, "we usually teach and focus on what we really are trying to overcome ourselves." Wow, that was an eye opener.
I am passionate about healthy living, really passionate actually. I love reading about it and helping others. It is a natural passion and I see it more clearly as that now. I heard this past week that many times our "ministry" is formed out of our biggest struggles/hardships/hurdles in life. I had another moment of revelation. Since Noah's birth, our family has faced a lot of physical health issues. We have paid A LOT of our income to medical bills. I have had a really hard time with my thyroid. I have been prayed for A LOT and have prayed A LOT concerning healing. I do believe in the power of healing, 100% even though sometimes it didn't happen the way I would have liked. I will never stop believing that by His stripes I am healed.
I also believe that we have choices to make. Just because I believe in healing, doesn't mean I can mistreat my body. I CAN choose to eat healthy, I CAN choose to not overeat, and I CAN choose to exercise. I am ABLE to do all these things and have NO excuses to not do them. I realize that with having a health challenge, you may have bad days and you may get sick, but it shouldn't dictate the good days! I let my thyroid dictate my good days, even if they weren't that often for a while. I fell victim to the circumstance instead of holding onto the promise of healing. I am holding onto that promise and seeing EVERY challenge as a vehicle to get me to my destiny.
So I am making better choices, and knowing that if I mess up, I am not doomed to stay that way. I have the tools, I know the basics, plus some, and I have the strength of the holy spirit guiding me. I will become healthier and I will share this with others. I will be patient and kind to myself. I will be open to seeing different avenues that I haven't seen before. I know I do not have to believe that because I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition that I have no hope of healing. I will believe as long as I have to that I am healed. If nothing happens, and I believe until I die, so be it. I know that my Father will give me the tools on my path to being delivered from this. I just know it.
I know this post is ALL over the place, but I had to proclaim it. I have already seen the fruit of it since I made the decision to live it. I look forward to feeling even better and seeing how God uses me to minister to others.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Humble
hum·ble
adjective
1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.
4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong. (HA!)
5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.
verb (used with object)
6. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
7. to destroy the independence, power, or will of.
8. to make meek: to humble one's heart.
Soooo, the other day I was talking/whining to God about my perceived insecurity issue. I kept hearing the word humble. I thought, I try like HECK to be humble, and will go out of my way to keep someone from thinking I feel superior, because I don't AT ALL. Why was that word surfacing? I realized I am humble to a fault.
And I kept thinking, how do you balance out being humble with being true to who you are. Then I looked up "humble", and guess what, I'm not the only one who sees the good and bad side of that word. I highlighted the negative ones, the lack mentality defintions. The first defintion is what humble should look like, but I was seeing humble as more like 2 and 3.
See, I have this problem sometimes. I will say things about myself that I don't believe, just to relate to someone. Like, "I do that too", or "I'm this or I'm that"...in negative ways often. And I am not being dishonest, at some point, I could relate, and maybe sometimes I still can. People want to relate, it is natural, but we should strive to relate in secureness of who we are, not who we are not.
Honestly, I know who I am, deep down, and somewhere along the path from the heart to the head to the mouth, I mess it up. For the sake of sounding "humble", I will downplay who I am so that I don't appear to know what I know. And it's not arrogance, it has nothing to do with comparison to someone else or feeling superior. In fact, I will make myself sound ignorant to make someone else feel more comfortable. (yes, I have issues) Some people might say that is kind/sweet, but it's not a peaceful feeling, because I am not representing myself well. And words have POWER, so I shouldn't speak falsely about myself.
It's really about knowing how much God loves me, and when I can really see that, I should accept it. It's like my spirit is whispering, "why are you saying that? It's not true." I might have believe it in the past, but once I know my identity isn't based upon my weaknesses, I should stop professing them.
When I write, I can really express my heart. But when I am talking to someone, for the sake of being "humble", I often don't share what my spirit says. This is all related to my conversation with God about insecurity. Turns out, I am really not that insecure, I know my identity in Him, so that's another false perception of myself. I think I have tried so hard to be humble, that I've made it negative and it appeared as though I am insecure. I'm thankful that God corrected my thinking, because now I see it for what it is, and make steps in the right direction.
So now I understand what humble means and what it doesn't, and how we can be humble to a fault! TRYING to be humble, instead of operating out of my identity, which is naturally humble and successful, is where I was in error. I have a lot of learning to do, a lot of wisdom to hear, and my hope is that while I'm receiving, I can learn to be comfortable representing myself with confidence. I have to learn not to care so much about other's opinions, because most of the time, it's a vain imagination to think someone else is judging me. And even if they are, oh well, it's not true, my Daddy says so. :)
P.S. This was really hard to publish, but I humbled myself to put it out there, because maybe it will minister to someone else.
adjective
1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.
4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong. (HA!)
5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.
verb (used with object)
6. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
7. to destroy the independence, power, or will of.
8. to make meek: to humble one's heart.
Soooo, the other day I was talking/whining to God about my perceived insecurity issue. I kept hearing the word humble. I thought, I try like HECK to be humble, and will go out of my way to keep someone from thinking I feel superior, because I don't AT ALL. Why was that word surfacing? I realized I am humble to a fault.
And I kept thinking, how do you balance out being humble with being true to who you are. Then I looked up "humble", and guess what, I'm not the only one who sees the good and bad side of that word. I highlighted the negative ones, the lack mentality defintions. The first defintion is what humble should look like, but I was seeing humble as more like 2 and 3.
See, I have this problem sometimes. I will say things about myself that I don't believe, just to relate to someone. Like, "I do that too", or "I'm this or I'm that"...in negative ways often. And I am not being dishonest, at some point, I could relate, and maybe sometimes I still can. People want to relate, it is natural, but we should strive to relate in secureness of who we are, not who we are not.
Honestly, I know who I am, deep down, and somewhere along the path from the heart to the head to the mouth, I mess it up. For the sake of sounding "humble", I will downplay who I am so that I don't appear to know what I know. And it's not arrogance, it has nothing to do with comparison to someone else or feeling superior. In fact, I will make myself sound ignorant to make someone else feel more comfortable. (yes, I have issues) Some people might say that is kind/sweet, but it's not a peaceful feeling, because I am not representing myself well. And words have POWER, so I shouldn't speak falsely about myself.
It's really about knowing how much God loves me, and when I can really see that, I should accept it. It's like my spirit is whispering, "why are you saying that? It's not true." I might have believe it in the past, but once I know my identity isn't based upon my weaknesses, I should stop professing them.
When I write, I can really express my heart. But when I am talking to someone, for the sake of being "humble", I often don't share what my spirit says. This is all related to my conversation with God about insecurity. Turns out, I am really not that insecure, I know my identity in Him, so that's another false perception of myself. I think I have tried so hard to be humble, that I've made it negative and it appeared as though I am insecure. I'm thankful that God corrected my thinking, because now I see it for what it is, and make steps in the right direction.
So now I understand what humble means and what it doesn't, and how we can be humble to a fault! TRYING to be humble, instead of operating out of my identity, which is naturally humble and successful, is where I was in error. I have a lot of learning to do, a lot of wisdom to hear, and my hope is that while I'm receiving, I can learn to be comfortable representing myself with confidence. I have to learn not to care so much about other's opinions, because most of the time, it's a vain imagination to think someone else is judging me. And even if they are, oh well, it's not true, my Daddy says so. :)
P.S. This was really hard to publish, but I humbled myself to put it out there, because maybe it will minister to someone else.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Limitless
This past year, oh have I grown, thanks to our amazing Creator, our loving Father. He is so so good! I've learned A LOT about myself, A LOT about other people, and A LOT about how trusting my Father is WHERE IT'S AT!!!
I spoke about this to our ladies group at church, and I hope it ministered to them. I am serious in saying, "get over your ability to be "good enough" and TRUST in HIM!" This has set me free, I can't even give this revelation credit in words. It's so heart strong that I am just loving living it out. It is manifesting daily, I'm growing in it daily, and my whole being is excited, real excited for what is to come. Good good things, I just know it.
The past month, I have heard the spirit whisper, "limitless". Wow! Yes, that's what I want, a limitless life! How many times do we limit God? I know I still do it, but the more I am trusting in His ability, the more I am taking the limits off of Him! Feels real good to feel so confident about life, the present, and the future. I really do trust that He has made me for great things in this life and I want it! Great may not mean what the world defines as "great", but it will be great to me and I will be living in harmony with my purpose. I already see so much greatness in the present, but I know I will just keep seeing this manifest and the hard layers of my heart will be removed.
My goal this year is to trust God to reveal where I have limits set and to help me bust out of that thinking. I just have a good feeling that this is gonna be a good year, a pivotal point in my life, where my eyes are opened for the first time to many of His truths. That is actually my life goal, to seek His truths alone. It's there already and I am content to rest in His arms, while He carries me up this staircase called life.
I spoke about this to our ladies group at church, and I hope it ministered to them. I am serious in saying, "get over your ability to be "good enough" and TRUST in HIM!" This has set me free, I can't even give this revelation credit in words. It's so heart strong that I am just loving living it out. It is manifesting daily, I'm growing in it daily, and my whole being is excited, real excited for what is to come. Good good things, I just know it.
The past month, I have heard the spirit whisper, "limitless". Wow! Yes, that's what I want, a limitless life! How many times do we limit God? I know I still do it, but the more I am trusting in His ability, the more I am taking the limits off of Him! Feels real good to feel so confident about life, the present, and the future. I really do trust that He has made me for great things in this life and I want it! Great may not mean what the world defines as "great", but it will be great to me and I will be living in harmony with my purpose. I already see so much greatness in the present, but I know I will just keep seeing this manifest and the hard layers of my heart will be removed.
My goal this year is to trust God to reveal where I have limits set and to help me bust out of that thinking. I just have a good feeling that this is gonna be a good year, a pivotal point in my life, where my eyes are opened for the first time to many of His truths. That is actually my life goal, to seek His truths alone. It's there already and I am content to rest in His arms, while He carries me up this staircase called life.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Seasons
Have you ever looked back at the past and thought, "I am so glad I am where I am at now?" Or maybe you really would like to go back to the past, when life seemed a little more simple.
I had this really good revelation this week. I was looking at my children. Noah is now 6 years old, Eli is 3, and Ava is 19 months. I see them growing up so fast. It is bittersweet. I stared at Noah's little face as he slept tonight. It is so sweet and precious. Still so young, and how the past 6 years have shaped our lives!
I envision the future and wonder what each stage of life will be like for our family. The days when I am less responsible of taking care of their physical needs. Sometimes I think about how nice it will be to not change diapers anymore. Sometimes the thought makes me sad. I look forward to watching them grow up and loving them through it all, but it is going by so fast already. I don't want to miss the "now" moments, and I want to be so present that I will cherish each day.
I was thinking about how seasons of life are so interesting. How this season of parenting young children can be so wonderful and overwhelming at the same time! I look back and think about how when it was one baby, then two, and now three. Each season has been so different, yet has shaped the very essence of our lives.
I also began thinking about other seasons of life; childhood, the 20's, and now the 30's. How so many things have happened in the almost 34 years of my life. How I've often forgotten how all those seasons have shaped me into the person I am today. How I have often fought against experiencing those seasons because I never felt like I had it together. It's easy to look back and judge ourselves, isn't it?
But God showed me something really cool. Those moments, those seasons, and what I chose to do with them, shaped who I am today. I know my Father is always with me, and that even though sometimes I made bad decisions, He has been guiding me to seeing who I am in Christ. His love never gives up. Those seasons of life when I tried so hard to control my life, led me to see that I could not. The issues of my heart are being worked out and for each season I grow in Him, I am thankful. I can't look back and think of all the mistakes now. I look back and see His grace, His mercy, and unconditional love walking me through it all. Every season has been a part of getting me to where I am today.
I don't want to forget to embrace the seasons. If there are issues of my heart to be worked out, I trust in Him to guide me through them. I want to be present, for myself and the people I love. I want to experience my children's seasons with a presence that doesn't look back or forward. I know it's normal to think about past and future, but not at the sake of missing the present. I have been guilty of judging myself of the past or looking to the future for my hope. I want to live so present that whether it's experiencing the blessing of life I've been given or working out the issues of my heart, I can stay focused on who I am, trusting in His ability. I am thankful, yesterday, today, and tomorrow that You never give up on me Father.
I had this really good revelation this week. I was looking at my children. Noah is now 6 years old, Eli is 3, and Ava is 19 months. I see them growing up so fast. It is bittersweet. I stared at Noah's little face as he slept tonight. It is so sweet and precious. Still so young, and how the past 6 years have shaped our lives!
I envision the future and wonder what each stage of life will be like for our family. The days when I am less responsible of taking care of their physical needs. Sometimes I think about how nice it will be to not change diapers anymore. Sometimes the thought makes me sad. I look forward to watching them grow up and loving them through it all, but it is going by so fast already. I don't want to miss the "now" moments, and I want to be so present that I will cherish each day.
I was thinking about how seasons of life are so interesting. How this season of parenting young children can be so wonderful and overwhelming at the same time! I look back and think about how when it was one baby, then two, and now three. Each season has been so different, yet has shaped the very essence of our lives.
I also began thinking about other seasons of life; childhood, the 20's, and now the 30's. How so many things have happened in the almost 34 years of my life. How I've often forgotten how all those seasons have shaped me into the person I am today. How I have often fought against experiencing those seasons because I never felt like I had it together. It's easy to look back and judge ourselves, isn't it?
But God showed me something really cool. Those moments, those seasons, and what I chose to do with them, shaped who I am today. I know my Father is always with me, and that even though sometimes I made bad decisions, He has been guiding me to seeing who I am in Christ. His love never gives up. Those seasons of life when I tried so hard to control my life, led me to see that I could not. The issues of my heart are being worked out and for each season I grow in Him, I am thankful. I can't look back and think of all the mistakes now. I look back and see His grace, His mercy, and unconditional love walking me through it all. Every season has been a part of getting me to where I am today.
I don't want to forget to embrace the seasons. If there are issues of my heart to be worked out, I trust in Him to guide me through them. I want to be present, for myself and the people I love. I want to experience my children's seasons with a presence that doesn't look back or forward. I know it's normal to think about past and future, but not at the sake of missing the present. I have been guilty of judging myself of the past or looking to the future for my hope. I want to live so present that whether it's experiencing the blessing of life I've been given or working out the issues of my heart, I can stay focused on who I am, trusting in His ability. I am thankful, yesterday, today, and tomorrow that You never give up on me Father.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Vision
I am seeing people in a new dimension. And this is a good thing. It's really hard to explain too, but I'll try. God is showing me a lot of the whys behind human behavior, and this includes myself. I am seeing "roots" of behavior instead of judging the outward "fruits", whether they are ripe or rotten. This makes it much easier to love people. We are taught as Christians to love one another and this is true, but I think you have to get beyond your own ability to love and see through His eyes what loving one another means. I was praying about this since it has been on my mind so much and then turned on some praise tunes on Pandora, which plays random songs, and this came on:
Definite divine moment. I've heard it a million times, I love the song, but this time it really touched my heart. It was just what I had been praying about. "Give me your love for humanity", YES!, that isn't that what we need?! And I am so glad that God has brought me so far in seeing His love for His people. We are all His people, He loves us. "God so loved the WORLD", that's all of us.
Imagine if we trusted God enough to give us His eyes? Our job is not to correct one another all the time, or to judge another man's heart, but isn't that what happens all too often? We are all guilty of being in our own "bubble" and missing opportunities to show compassion toward one another. I am really thankful that God is helping me to grow in His love so I can see these opportunities.
I know it's impossible to fully understand why people do the things they do. If we seek His wisdom instead of placing ourselves as the "god" of our own understanding, then it isn't so hard to love one another, true love, not the love we are "supposed" to have as Christians. You can say you love, but if your actions constantly prove different, then maybe you are seeing out of the wrong prescription.
God's eyes are possible to see from, because we are created in His image! His vision is beyond perfect. If we continue to seek Him and receive His love, then we can take off our glasses and see the world as He does.
Definite divine moment. I've heard it a million times, I love the song, but this time it really touched my heart. It was just what I had been praying about. "Give me your love for humanity", YES!, that isn't that what we need?! And I am so glad that God has brought me so far in seeing His love for His people. We are all His people, He loves us. "God so loved the WORLD", that's all of us.
Imagine if we trusted God enough to give us His eyes? Our job is not to correct one another all the time, or to judge another man's heart, but isn't that what happens all too often? We are all guilty of being in our own "bubble" and missing opportunities to show compassion toward one another. I am really thankful that God is helping me to grow in His love so I can see these opportunities.
I know it's impossible to fully understand why people do the things they do. If we seek His wisdom instead of placing ourselves as the "god" of our own understanding, then it isn't so hard to love one another, true love, not the love we are "supposed" to have as Christians. You can say you love, but if your actions constantly prove different, then maybe you are seeing out of the wrong prescription.
God's eyes are possible to see from, because we are created in His image! His vision is beyond perfect. If we continue to seek Him and receive His love, then we can take off our glasses and see the world as He does.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Who Am I?
It's easy to "think" we are okay with ourselves, but if you find yourself operating in a constant mentality of "not good enough", then you do not understand who you are.
This is a constant battle for me, one that has brought me to a place of wondering, "is this exact mentality the root of ALL my problems?"
It's kind of hard to say this on a public blog, but I felt like God wanted me to share it. I don't know if it will minister to anyone, but I'm being obedient and trusting that I am supposed to put it out there.
Some days, many days, I am not okay with how I look, how I act, or what I do. So what do I do to myself? Maybe some negative self talk, emotional eating, and waiting until I am "good enough" to reward myself. So instead of waking up, enjoying this gift of life and doing the best I can with where I am at, I might see all I lack, stay in my pj's, and think about how much I have to get done. I admire people who wake up and go out and "kick the world". Live it up and love it! I should be embracing the blessings I have, and while I do, not to the fullest. I want to be there. I know that many deal with this issue and live in a web of lies about themselves. So what is true?
I AM A WONDERFUL HAND-MADE
CREATION OF GOD
For you created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother’s womb.
(Psalm 139:13)
YES!!!
I praise you because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made.
(Psalm 139:14)
YES I AM!!
Guess what else?
I AM RIGHTEOUS, BLAMELESS,
AND HOLY BEFORE GOD
Christ is the end of the law so that there may be
righteousness for everyone who believes.
(Romans 10:4)
IT IS FINISHED!
But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin,
yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.
(Romans 8:10)
Hallelujah!!
But now that you have been set free from sin and
have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap
leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life .
(Romans 6:22)
For he chose us in him before the creation
of the world to be holy and blameless
in his sight.
(Ephesians 1:4)
It doesn't get any clearer that that!!!
And if I ever doubt who I am, apart from anything I may do that doesn't line up with this word, I am made in His image. So who am I to treat myself less than who my Creator made me to be?
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
(Genesis 1:27)
So while we all go through the motions of life and there are things we must do everyday, do them out of a sense of "who you are" and not "who you are not", I think that's where the peace is found to enjoy each and every moment of this precious gift of life. Thanks God for the reminder of who I am, how you see me. I really needed it today. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Emotions and Circumstance
It's probably safe to say that most of my life decisions have hinged on emotions. These emotions were triggered by circumstances, sometimes within my control, sometimes beyond it. Until about six months ago, I didn't realize I was allowing them to control my life. It was a helpless feeling and I did not know how to change! I've always labeled myself an "emo" or emotional person, almost with pride. I have a lot of mercy in my heart, a lot, so it felt good to say I was emotional, kind of like having mercy on myself for having a reason to react a certain way. I am a thinker, a visionary type person, so I often want answers and direction and want it now. I want to be the BEST me I can be, mostly out of control. eeeek, yes, control, I envision something and control until I get there through emotions. Or at least that is what I did, God is bringing me to amazing places in transforming my heart concerning this.
I felt like there was this one "perfect" path destined for my life and I HAD to figure it out. It changed often, as often as the wind blows at times. But my emotions said "this feels right" based on life right now. Ughh uggh ughh! So now I see there was some truth in seeing a path. It's to give me a sense of direction, but not to figure out EVERY.SINGLE.ASPECT and forget about letting God lead me in the present. oops. :-/ So now that I have seen this revelation, I look back over circumstances in my life, some created, some just that happened because this is a fallen world, and I notice that I reacted out of emotion and sent myself on a path that maybe I wasn't supposed to be on. God has blessed and honored me through it all, but he has also, ever so gently, because I chose to see what was already there, had MERCY on me and is revealing truths to me.
I don't have it all figured out, and some days I am very confused and all over the place, but I still feel thankful that He rescued me from myself. I'm still resting in the revelation that circumstances do not have to control my emotions, or vise versa. There are truths that do not change, no matter what is going on in my life. I am learning I am exactly who I was created to be and to be okay with my "normal". And even though I'm not absolutely sure what that is yet, it's nice to finally accept myself as the daughter of the King, and know and trust that will be revealed to me. It's okay to be me and live in that realm of peace and contentment no matter what is going on around me or what other people are doing. Priceless revelation!
I felt like there was this one "perfect" path destined for my life and I HAD to figure it out. It changed often, as often as the wind blows at times. But my emotions said "this feels right" based on life right now. Ughh uggh ughh! So now I see there was some truth in seeing a path. It's to give me a sense of direction, but not to figure out EVERY.SINGLE.ASPECT and forget about letting God lead me in the present. oops. :-/ So now that I have seen this revelation, I look back over circumstances in my life, some created, some just that happened because this is a fallen world, and I notice that I reacted out of emotion and sent myself on a path that maybe I wasn't supposed to be on. God has blessed and honored me through it all, but he has also, ever so gently, because I chose to see what was already there, had MERCY on me and is revealing truths to me.
I don't have it all figured out, and some days I am very confused and all over the place, but I still feel thankful that He rescued me from myself. I'm still resting in the revelation that circumstances do not have to control my emotions, or vise versa. There are truths that do not change, no matter what is going on in my life. I am learning I am exactly who I was created to be and to be okay with my "normal". And even though I'm not absolutely sure what that is yet, it's nice to finally accept myself as the daughter of the King, and know and trust that will be revealed to me. It's okay to be me and live in that realm of peace and contentment no matter what is going on around me or what other people are doing. Priceless revelation!
Friday, May 27, 2011
It doesn't have me!
So I am going through a rough time with my thyroid, again. :( I haven't felt good at all the past few weeks and it is really tough. I tend not to complain much or try to write when I am going through emotional and physical thyroid stuff, but I just want to declare that I am an overcomer. I may have thyroid problems, but thyroid problems don't have me! I refuse to let these symptoms define who I am. It is frustrating, I can not lie, but I'm holding to my healing promise NO.MATTER.WHAT! So even though I really want to complain about the million symptoms I am battling right now, I am choosing to not let this circumstance overtake my joy. Self, line up with who God says you are! Blessed, healed, whole, and full of the life of Christ. THAT is what I am.
Monday, May 16, 2011
What's for Dessert? Church!
God has been giving me a lot of good stuff about the "church" lately. We are the church, yes, but I am speaking specifically about the churches we attend, in whatever form it may be.
We were going through a period of life a few years back where we were questioning the institution of church. Not because our church had offended us or anything, but just God taking us to the place of seeing the purpose of church. It felt awful at times to be honest because I started to see my codependency on church to serve my relationship "fix" with God. Then a wise friend said something along these lines: "Your daily walk with God is the meal, church on Sunday is the dessert." That REALLY spoke to me. Church had been my meal, and I was starving from only eating one (sometimes two) meal a week!!
Church can easily become a co-dependent force, and we can forget that we should only be dependent upon our relationship with God, on a personal level. Church as a substitute for relationship will only lead to dissappointment. It's easy to look to people, places, or things to fulfill that longing for relationship only experienced with Him. People in church are still people. They aren't holier than thou, and shouldn't be expected to be. Christians are watched closely, and it's easy to point fingers when they get out of line. "They should know better, they go to church." Many people confuse going to church for relationship, and I have been there, but praise God I've seen truth!
Church is not mandantory to walk with Him. Church does not make you righteous. Church does not give you the right to judge others. Church is full of people with problems. Church is not perfect, ever.
Church can be a place to fellowship with believers. Church can be a place where you grow. Church can be a place where you serve out of a loving heart. Church can be a place of acceptance no matter where you are at in life. CHURCH SHOULD BE ALL THESE THINGS!
If church is not, then maybe seek to find one that represents Him the proper way.
Church is a group of people that can come together with all their unique talents and abilities to fellowship in the name of Jesus! This leads to many more aspects of what happens as a result of these believers joining together, but that is pretty much what church is.
Church is not where God lives, He dwells within you, everywhere you go. Christians meeting to grow, fellowship, worship, and serve because we desire to...that is true church. Take expectations, limitations, and obligations out of the equation, and church really does become dessert. A really good dessert that makes the meal perfect.
We were going through a period of life a few years back where we were questioning the institution of church. Not because our church had offended us or anything, but just God taking us to the place of seeing the purpose of church. It felt awful at times to be honest because I started to see my codependency on church to serve my relationship "fix" with God. Then a wise friend said something along these lines: "Your daily walk with God is the meal, church on Sunday is the dessert." That REALLY spoke to me. Church had been my meal, and I was starving from only eating one (sometimes two) meal a week!!
Church can easily become a co-dependent force, and we can forget that we should only be dependent upon our relationship with God, on a personal level. Church as a substitute for relationship will only lead to dissappointment. It's easy to look to people, places, or things to fulfill that longing for relationship only experienced with Him. People in church are still people. They aren't holier than thou, and shouldn't be expected to be. Christians are watched closely, and it's easy to point fingers when they get out of line. "They should know better, they go to church." Many people confuse going to church for relationship, and I have been there, but praise God I've seen truth!
Church is not mandantory to walk with Him. Church does not make you righteous. Church does not give you the right to judge others. Church is full of people with problems. Church is not perfect, ever.
Church can be a place to fellowship with believers. Church can be a place where you grow. Church can be a place where you serve out of a loving heart. Church can be a place of acceptance no matter where you are at in life. CHURCH SHOULD BE ALL THESE THINGS!
If church is not, then maybe seek to find one that represents Him the proper way.
Church is a group of people that can come together with all their unique talents and abilities to fellowship in the name of Jesus! This leads to many more aspects of what happens as a result of these believers joining together, but that is pretty much what church is.
Church is not where God lives, He dwells within you, everywhere you go. Christians meeting to grow, fellowship, worship, and serve because we desire to...that is true church. Take expectations, limitations, and obligations out of the equation, and church really does become dessert. A really good dessert that makes the meal perfect.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hind Sight
Our "other" house is still for sale. It's sitting there all by it's lonesome waiting for a family to call it a home. The other day I went by to check the mail and water the plants and it brought back memories of the past five years. You know how you just get used to something when it just becomes the "norm" but after that season has past, you see things in a different light? Like everything seems to make more sense and you wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now?
When we bought that house, it was so exciting. It was our first home, and it was brand-spanking new. Our goal was to have a low-maintenance home(complete opposite of our new place! lol) and be close to my family. Noah was 6 months old and we were still dealing with so many health issues and wanted to simplify everything we could because life was pretty much consumed with doctor's appointments. It was clean, it was safe, and it was in a great neighborhood. It was a good fit and we started a happy little family there.
I like to organize and although I live with lots of messy people, I still keep on trying to maintain some order because it makes life a little more peaceful. One thing I was thinking of as we got ready to move was how far I had come in simplifying our "stuff". "Simplify" has been my mantra for the past 3 years.
When we were first married, we had lots of weird combined stuff. Jason was really, really a pack rat, and I was a little bit of one. He kept everything from his bachelor days that he thought was "cool" and I would always designate a room for this stuff, lol, usually the room no one saw too often. We always laugh about it, and his new room is a giant 40 X 30 foot garage, aka the "man cave." We're both happy now. Jason has actually become a declutter king, sometimes I have to stop him from throwing everything away. So miracles do happen. ;)
I am good at organizing "behind the scenes" and not so good at overall cleaning. Look in my closets and drawers though and they usually look pretty neat. Jason is good at making the house look great in 30 minutes. So we're a good team. I bought the book "The House That Cleans Itself", because a bunch of church gals were bragging on it. I thought, that sounds amazing, I want that! So I read it and got prepared, but I got all crazy perfectionist and gave up because I couldn't do it 100%. Same with Flylady's principles, although I will say, a lot of her advice has really stuck with me and helped on my simplifying journey. If I ever get stuck, I will set a timer and go to room to room for 15 minutes. It always amazes me how much I get done if I know that timer is set!
In the book I mentioned above, she recommended you take pictures of your house all messy so you can see what you need to change. A before and after type thing. So when I was pregnant with Ava, I did this, because my house looked absolutely cluttered and out of control as it ever had during our entire time there. I was big, miserable, and taking care of two little boys. But yet, I still had the nerve to judge myself as pathetic for not having an immaculate house. bwwwahahahaha, such a dork! So I took these pictures and thought horrible thoughts about myself and had a pity party on how I can't do it all. waagggh waaggggh! And looking back, the pictures weren't that bad! I did that with a lot of areas in my life, I'd list all the stuff I needed to change and go on to try and fix it and then get discouraged when I'd end up back where I started.
So were the heck am I going with all of this? (I honestly sat down with the intention of writing a short blog, lol, I have too much to say!) I used to be so hard on myself about pretty much anything that involved me doing something right. If I coudln't do it to my standards, which are usually way too high, then I'd just give up. Well, God is good and is helping me out with that stinkin' thinkin'. I'm still working on it, but letting go of perfectionism=FREEDOM!
So back to the other day when I was at our for sale house. I realized how far I had come, how many perfectionist expectations I let go of recently. I saw that when I let go and let God, it happens effortlessly.
What happened to change this mentality? I just seriously gave it to God and am focusing on who I am in Christ. You know the scripture, "I can do all things in Heather who stengthens me?" Only kidding, but I hope you get the point, I was thinking I could do everything out of my own strength. The struggle to be better was just a heart issue that was deep rooted as a lack of my trust of who I am in Christ. He is more than enough.
So I took after pictures not long before we moved out. These pictures are what my house had evolved into over the past five years. It actually reflects the change in my heart. A lot of the clutter has been removed and it just feels peaceful. It's awesome how the issues of the heart radiate to every aspect of our life and it is also not so awesome if we ignore them and try to change ourselves out of our own strength. As I looked around that empty house, I felt like I had pulled into the revelation station. I was there, thinking it would be cool to go back and talk to me five years ago!
Seriously, all of this just made sense. All of those years of worrying about being "perfect" and seeing how much time I wasted on trying to be good enough were basically blank thoughts as I focused on the good things. Hindsight was 20/10! I am beginning a new season of life with a better vision and letting my heart stuff just pour out as God shows me truths about who I am. I'm not perfect and for the first time, I am okay with that. It feels good to be okay with life as it is, walking each day in His glory, and realizing He's gonna show me all I need to know. And He cares about every part....even my everyday life and my keeper of the home tasks. He's using me and my mad skillz as a Mama to shape three pretty important lives. I am thankful that He rescued me from myself and now I can look around my not-so-perfect house and feel COMPLETE peace. Now that REALLY is a miracle!! As I was looking through the "before" pictures, I noticed that the boys were following me around and were in most of them. In the middle of my chaos, there they were, being sweet as ever. In this one, I was taking a picture of my unmade bed, when the best part was those two little guys in it. I'm so glad I am choosing to see life in the moment now.
When we bought that house, it was so exciting. It was our first home, and it was brand-spanking new. Our goal was to have a low-maintenance home(complete opposite of our new place! lol) and be close to my family. Noah was 6 months old and we were still dealing with so many health issues and wanted to simplify everything we could because life was pretty much consumed with doctor's appointments. It was clean, it was safe, and it was in a great neighborhood. It was a good fit and we started a happy little family there.
I like to organize and although I live with lots of messy people, I still keep on trying to maintain some order because it makes life a little more peaceful. One thing I was thinking of as we got ready to move was how far I had come in simplifying our "stuff". "Simplify" has been my mantra for the past 3 years.
When we were first married, we had lots of weird combined stuff. Jason was really, really a pack rat, and I was a little bit of one. He kept everything from his bachelor days that he thought was "cool" and I would always designate a room for this stuff, lol, usually the room no one saw too often. We always laugh about it, and his new room is a giant 40 X 30 foot garage, aka the "man cave." We're both happy now. Jason has actually become a declutter king, sometimes I have to stop him from throwing everything away. So miracles do happen. ;)
I am good at organizing "behind the scenes" and not so good at overall cleaning. Look in my closets and drawers though and they usually look pretty neat. Jason is good at making the house look great in 30 minutes. So we're a good team. I bought the book "The House That Cleans Itself", because a bunch of church gals were bragging on it. I thought, that sounds amazing, I want that! So I read it and got prepared, but I got all crazy perfectionist and gave up because I couldn't do it 100%. Same with Flylady's principles, although I will say, a lot of her advice has really stuck with me and helped on my simplifying journey. If I ever get stuck, I will set a timer and go to room to room for 15 minutes. It always amazes me how much I get done if I know that timer is set!
In the book I mentioned above, she recommended you take pictures of your house all messy so you can see what you need to change. A before and after type thing. So when I was pregnant with Ava, I did this, because my house looked absolutely cluttered and out of control as it ever had during our entire time there. I was big, miserable, and taking care of two little boys. But yet, I still had the nerve to judge myself as pathetic for not having an immaculate house. bwwwahahahaha, such a dork! So I took these pictures and thought horrible thoughts about myself and had a pity party on how I can't do it all. waagggh waaggggh! And looking back, the pictures weren't that bad! I did that with a lot of areas in my life, I'd list all the stuff I needed to change and go on to try and fix it and then get discouraged when I'd end up back where I started.
So were the heck am I going with all of this? (I honestly sat down with the intention of writing a short blog, lol, I have too much to say!) I used to be so hard on myself about pretty much anything that involved me doing something right. If I coudln't do it to my standards, which are usually way too high, then I'd just give up. Well, God is good and is helping me out with that stinkin' thinkin'. I'm still working on it, but letting go of perfectionism=FREEDOM!
So back to the other day when I was at our for sale house. I realized how far I had come, how many perfectionist expectations I let go of recently. I saw that when I let go and let God, it happens effortlessly.
What happened to change this mentality? I just seriously gave it to God and am focusing on who I am in Christ. You know the scripture, "I can do all things in Heather who stengthens me?" Only kidding, but I hope you get the point, I was thinking I could do everything out of my own strength. The struggle to be better was just a heart issue that was deep rooted as a lack of my trust of who I am in Christ. He is more than enough.
So I took after pictures not long before we moved out. These pictures are what my house had evolved into over the past five years. It actually reflects the change in my heart. A lot of the clutter has been removed and it just feels peaceful. It's awesome how the issues of the heart radiate to every aspect of our life and it is also not so awesome if we ignore them and try to change ourselves out of our own strength. As I looked around that empty house, I felt like I had pulled into the revelation station. I was there, thinking it would be cool to go back and talk to me five years ago!
Seriously, all of this just made sense. All of those years of worrying about being "perfect" and seeing how much time I wasted on trying to be good enough were basically blank thoughts as I focused on the good things. Hindsight was 20/10! I am beginning a new season of life with a better vision and letting my heart stuff just pour out as God shows me truths about who I am. I'm not perfect and for the first time, I am okay with that. It feels good to be okay with life as it is, walking each day in His glory, and realizing He's gonna show me all I need to know. And He cares about every part....even my everyday life and my keeper of the home tasks. He's using me and my mad skillz as a Mama to shape three pretty important lives. I am thankful that He rescued me from myself and now I can look around my not-so-perfect house and feel COMPLETE peace. Now that REALLY is a miracle!! As I was looking through the "before" pictures, I noticed that the boys were following me around and were in most of them. In the middle of my chaos, there they were, being sweet as ever. In this one, I was taking a picture of my unmade bed, when the best part was those two little guys in it. I'm so glad I am choosing to see life in the moment now.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Searching?
I have always liked this song, I really like U2, and Bono, well, he's pretty awesome too. Tonight on my way home, I was listening to Delilah on the radio, and this song came on. This song came out in the late 80's but I honestly didn't pay much attention to the lyrics until a few years ago. Tonight, I was listening close because I knew there was a part about Jesus:
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for........
At first I was thinking, why? What else is there Mr. Bono? Why would you need to find anything else? That was my religious stinkin' thinking. God spoke to my spirit and said, he is talking about relationship! HOLY MOLY!! Gives me chills just writing it.
Many Christians, including myself, sometimes forget WHY our Saviour died for us. Yes, yes, to save us from eternal seperation from God, but it goes beyond that. He died so that we can have a relationship with God, HERE, right now, the very moment we believe! If we don't get a true revelation of who we are in Christ, we will just keep looking, and looking, feeling empty because we don't see the full picture. If we could truly comprehend what an amazing open-door policy we have with our God because of the sacrifice of Christ, man, would we stop searching!!
So I can really identify with Mr. Bono's lyrics now. I will be honest and say, I still search more than I'd like to. But, I know that is just my heart working on years of seeing God as "out there" and reaching for Him, searching for Him. When all along, He was right here, in my heart. He never left me, I never had to search any farther than my spirit. So, keep those senses open to see what God is trying to show you, you'll be suprised at how close He really is, and maybe, it will help you find what you're looking for.
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