Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

We arrived at the hospital at about 11 a.m. on the day of Noah's surgery.  We waited about 2 hours before they called us back.  They took Noah's vitals and we went through the usual steps and questions.  On my side of the family, there is a family history of an anesthesia reaction called Malignant Hypothermia.  It is a very serious complication.  For any of Noah's surgeries, they take the precautions necessary to prevent any reaction.  The machines have to be completely cleaned of any triggering agent.  I mentioned this at his last appointment to the doctor who said he would make sure it was noted everywhere.   However, I have discovered that no matter how many times you mention this, somehow it slips through the cracks of communication.  At a previous surgery, even though we had told several people, it was missed.  Had I not mentioned it, Noah would have been at risk.  I actually called four times prior to this surgery, and knew the doctor had noted it, but somehow it happened again.  So when this happens, surgery gets delayed due to waiting on cleaning the machines.  I was frustrated that this happened again.  Noah's doctor was also frustrated.  But it was what it was, so we waited another 45 minutes for Noah to be wheeled away for surgery.
He was so sweet.  He was taking pictures on his DS of all the people who came in the room.  He was very calm and relaxed.  It's like he has a supernatural understanding beyond his years.  It's amazing.  When they started talking about possible complications, which I had heard most of them before, my anxiety levels were rising.  It's the point where you feel like taking your child and running away.  But, I knew that the benefits far outweigh the risks.  Risk though, is always a scary reality, and it's never easy to listen to what "might" happen, even if it's a 1 in a thousand chance.  Throughout Noah's life, he has been on the other side of the statistical stance several times.  So I began to internally begin what Mamas do best, worry and wish that this was a decision I didn't have to make.
I stayed calm and strong for Noah, but as soon as they took him away, I told Jason I needed a bathroom to cry in.  I don't know why, but I like to hide when I cry.  So I went in and let it out.  Even though I was crying and sad, I still had peace.  I was anxious, because it's never easy to let your child go into an operating room, no matter how small or big the risk.  There is still a possibility of something going wrong, so it's near impossible to be content until you are holding them again.
So we ate lunch and came back into the waiting room about an hour and a half later.  Then it got to the three hour mark and we got a phone update from the nurse.  I was assuming it would be to let us know the surgery was over, but she said it was going to take 2 more hours.  She said Noah was doing great but that it took a little longer to get a good look at what was going on around the ear bones.  The doctor had told us that he wouldn't know exactly what was going on until he was inside Noah's ear, so I was thinking that it must have been really complicated!  I still had peace but I was really anxious to see Noah.
We got another update about an hour later and she said he was doing good and should be done by 7 p.m.  The last 2 hours were the longest.  I hadn't prepared to wait this long, but that's what it took.  At about 7, Noah's doctor came out to the waiting room and explained what he had found.  He told us it was the most complicated case he has ever seen.  There is a facial nerve that runs through the ear which we had heard about during the "risk talk".  If damage is done to that nerve, it can cause permanent paralysis of the face, and it would appear as though the person had a stroke.  He said Noah's nerve actually split around the ear bones and join back together on the other side.  He had only seen this once before and said he would maybe see it three times in his whole career.  It is extremely rare.  There is Noah on the other side of the statistics again.  His doctor went into great depth and drew many diagrams for us to understand exactly what he had seen and had to do.  He mentioned that if the surgery had been done by a doctor who wasn't very aware of the nerve split, it could have been very bad.  Immediately, I was thankful that Noah was placed in his hands.  I had always felt peace about this doctor.  (He wasn't Noah's usual ENT, his ENT actually referred us to him due to his expertise as a surgeon of these type issues.)  He also told us that only one bone in Noah's ear, the stapes, was abnormal.  And it was the bone prosthesis that gives him the best possibility of hearing again.  The other two bones, which could have been more complicated to restore hearing, were fine.  So he took Noah's stapes out, and replaced it with a prosthesis.  He rebuilt Noah's ear drum with some cartilage from his own ear and then completed the surgery.  There is another awesome element of this surgery as well.  He had planned to make an incision and basically lay Noah's ear open to do this procedure.  Even though Noah had the split nerve, he was able to see well enough with the endoscope to do the procedure without making the incision!  This is really awesome because that would have added to Noah's discomfort and recovery aspects.
Jason said to me, "now we know why this was the perfect timing."  Noah hasn't been able to hear since birth and we knew it was probably due to a congenital defect in the ear.  However, Noah's journey has been carefully played out one step at a time.  Yes we have ultimately made decisions about what is next, but I can tell you that God has led us to know when to take the next step.  I can't completely explain it, but somehow my heart has known even without knowing what is going on.  Sometimes you just can't fully explain it, it's the living spirit of Christ and I am forever eternally thankful for the love of God.  And sometimes even though we get scared, feel anxious, mad at the situation, and even feel like we have no idea how to hear from God, when all is said and done, it makes perfect sense.  I can say that I am not sure of why things happen in this life, but I can say I am sure God is with us every step of the way.  His love for us surpasses our understanding, but in my heart I have a constant reassurance He is always present.  He can handle our emotions, and we don't have to have it all figured out.  I know Jesus was with Noah, I just know it.  He was guiding the surgeon's hands just as many had prayed.  He was holding my hand and giving me peace in the middle of my worries.
And as for Noah, his only complaint was that the mask they put on him was covering his eyes and he couldn't see.  He woke up from surgery smiling.  The nurse said he was very mature for his age and was the best patient of the day.  We hear that a lot, amazement at the strength and understanding he has to be such a young boy.  I also can't explain the special spirit Noah has, but I can say that I am extremely thankful that God chose me to be his mother.  Noah's journey has broke my heart more than I  could express, but the pure joy and love I feel from being entrusted to care for him makes it all make sense.  He has been my greatest teacher in discovering how much God loves us.  I have a feeling Noah will teach many people the love of God over the course of His life.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

I have a feeling Noah definitely knows that full well, and I absolutely know he is fearfully and wonderfully made.

  

The Love of My LIfe

I am blessed with a wonderful husband.  He definitely makes life fun!  His energy is contagious and has carried me through many times when I've had none!

But my husband also has an amazing heart.  I want to share something that he did recently that made me really proud to be his wife.

One of the managers he works under was recently diagnosed with cancer.  He is really young.  He is really sick and has been in the hospital for a while.  

A couple of weeks ago, Jason went to speak to a group of new salesmen.  He is really successful at work, and has encouraged and helped many others to have success in their job.  His heart is always looking to offer advice to anyone who reaches out to him.  I love that about him!  

He was in the area, so he went by to visit his friend in the hospital.  But he went above just visiting.  He took his ukelele in and played for him. He mentioned that it must be hard to just lay in a hospital bed all the time, so he was hoping to lift his spirits.  

As he was playing, a lady about my age walked by.  She asked the nurse to ask Jason to come play for her as well.  So he did.  He played for a complete stranger.  And it made her day.

Not only did he play for them, he played his ukelele walking down the halls of the hospital and in the elevator.  He said people were smiling and giving him thumbs up.  And he did this in his work uniform, which made me laugh.  A really tall, handsome Orkin man, walking around the halls of a hospital playing a little ukelele.

After I got off the phone with him, I actually cried.  It touched my heart so deeply.  One of the things I love most about my husband is that he doesn't think about what other people think about him.  He is genuine.  Sometimes people, really uptight people, don't know how to take this freedom he expresses.  But I LOVE IT!  I know God blessed me in the most amazing way when he brought Jason into my life.  I actually was one of those uptight people who didn't like him so much when I first met him.  But I'm glad I gave him a chance because he has helped me to overcome so much.  I couldn't ask for a better life partner.  

I love you Jason.  I couldn't ask for a better husband.  I am thankful that God paired us together in this life.  I know eternity is going to be even better.  And I know you worry that you won't be able to kiss me in heaven, but I have a feeling God won't mind if we do.  

House to Home: The Kitchen

I'm going to do some before and after's as I decorate the new house.  I was gonna wait until I was completely done with each room, but that might take a while, so I'll share as I go. 
This is what the kitchen looked like when we bought the house:



Oak Cabinets and Green Countertops circa 1990

And this is my sweet husband putting up my open shelving:

I love this dork. :)

These are the walls before my shelves:

One bracket down, 11 to go.



And now the "after" pictures:

I love how it has turned out, looks just like I hoped.  And my shelves make the whole room look so good!

Here's what we've completed:

Ripped out the side short cabinets

Put on new countertops

Painted the cabinets a bone color

Put new hardware on the cabinets

Replaced the faucet

Painted the walls

New switch plate covers

Replaced the stove and dishwasher(total blessing find)

Added an over the range microwave

Bought a rolling cart island to help with counter space

Things I still want to accomplish:

Making window treatments

Adding baseboards and trim around chimney

Adding a shelf or some cute antique to other side of chimney

Getting a matching stainless fridge(long term goal)

Replacing the light fixtures

And I know it looks like we spent a lot of money, but I was really resourceful and found lots of deals, so we were able to knock out a lot of projects and it turned out great!  I love re-design, and at least I'm using my degree in some way. 

  

Before



After



More to come and I'll update as we finish our list. 

Thanks for stopping by the homestead!









Hind Sight

Our "other" house is still for sale.  It's sitting there all by it's lonesome waiting for a family to call it a home.  The other day I went by to check the mail and water the plants and it brought back memories of the past five years.  You know how you just get used to something when it just becomes the "norm" but after that season has past, you see things in a different light?  Like everything seems to make more sense and you wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now?
When we bought that house, it was so exciting.  It was our first home, and it was brand-spanking new.  Our goal was to have a low-maintenance home(complete opposite of our new place! lol) and be close to my family.  Noah was 6 months old and we were still dealing with so many health issues and wanted to simplify everything we could because life was pretty much consumed with doctor's appointments.  It was clean, it was safe, and it was in a great neighborhood.  It was a good fit and we started a happy little family there. 
I like to organize and although I live with lots of messy people, I still keep on trying to maintain some order because it makes life a little more peaceful.  One thing I was thinking of as we got ready to move was how far I had come in simplifying our "stuff". "Simplify" has been my mantra for the past 3 years. 
When we were first married, we had lots of weird combined stuff.  Jason was really, really a pack rat, and I was a little bit of one.  He kept everything from his bachelor days that he thought was "cool" and I would always designate a room for this stuff, lol, usually the room no one saw too often.  We always laugh about it, and his new room is a giant 40 X 30 foot garage, aka the "man cave."  We're both happy now.  Jason has actually become a declutter king, sometimes I have to stop him from throwing everything away.  So miracles do happen. ;)
I am good at organizing "behind the scenes" and not so good at overall cleaning.  Look in my closets and drawers though and they usually look pretty neat.  Jason is good at making the house look great in 30 minutes.  So we're a good team. I bought the book "The House That Cleans Itself", because a bunch of church gals were bragging on it.  I thought, that sounds amazing, I want that!  So I read it and got prepared, but I got all crazy perfectionist and gave up because I couldn't do it 100%.  Same with Flylady's principles, although I will say, a lot of her advice has really stuck with me and helped on my simplifying journey.  If I ever get stuck, I will set a timer and go to room to room for 15 minutes.  It always amazes me how much I get done if I know that timer is set!      
In the book I mentioned above, she recommended you take pictures of your house all messy so you can see what you need to change.  A before and after type thing.  So when I was pregnant with Ava, I did this, because my house looked absolutely cluttered and out of control as it ever had during our entire time there.  I was big, miserable, and taking care of two little boys.  But yet, I still had the nerve to judge myself as pathetic for not having an immaculate house.  bwwwahahahaha, such a dork!  So I took these pictures and thought horrible thoughts about myself and had a pity party on how I can't do it all. waagggh waaggggh!  And looking back, the pictures weren't that bad!  I did that with a lot of areas in my life, I'd list all the stuff I needed to change and go on to try and fix it and then get discouraged when I'd end up back where I started. 
So were the heck am I going with all of this?  (I honestly sat down with the intention of writing a short blog, lol, I have too much to say!)  I used to be so hard on myself about pretty much anything that involved me doing something right.  If I coudln't do it to my standards, which are usually way too high, then I'd just give up.  Well, God is good and is helping me out with that stinkin' thinkin'.  I'm still working on it, but letting go of perfectionism=FREEDOM!
So back to the other day when I was at our for sale house.  I realized how far I had come, how many perfectionist expectations I let go of recently.  I saw that when I let go and let God, it happens effortlessly.
What happened to change this mentality?  I just seriously gave it to God and am focusing on who I am in Christ.  You know the scripture, "I can do all things in Heather who stengthens me?"  Only kidding, but I hope you get the point, I was thinking I could do everything out of my own strength.  The struggle to be better was just a heart issue that was deep rooted as a lack of my trust of who I am in Christ.  He is more than enough. 
So I took after pictures not long before we moved out.  These pictures are what my house had evolved into over the past five years.  It actually reflects the change in my heart.  A lot of the clutter has been removed and it just feels peaceful.  It's awesome how the issues of the heart radiate to every aspect of our life and it is also not so awesome if we ignore them and try to change ourselves out of our own strength.  As I looked around that empty house, I felt like I had pulled into the revelation station.  I was there, thinking it would be cool to go back and talk to me five years ago!
Seriously, all of this just made sense.  All of those years of worrying about being "perfect" and seeing how much time I wasted on trying to be good enough were basically blank thoughts as I focused on the good things.  Hindsight was 20/10!  I am beginning a new season of life with a better vision and letting my heart stuff just pour out as God shows me truths about who I am.  I'm not perfect and for the first time, I am okay with that.  It feels good to be okay with life as it is, walking each day in His glory, and realizing He's gonna show me all I need to know.  And He cares about every part....even my everyday life and my keeper of the home tasks.  He's using me and my mad skillz as a Mama to shape three pretty important lives.  I am thankful that He rescued me from myself and now I can look around my not-so-perfect house and feel COMPLETE peace.  Now that REALLY is a miracle!!  As I was looking through the "before" pictures, I noticed that the boys were following me around and were in most of them.  In the middle of my chaos, there they were, being sweet as ever.  In this one, I was taking a picture of my unmade bed, when the best part was those two little guys in it.  I'm so glad I am choosing to see life in the moment now.

 

Birthday Present For Myself

I went to bed last night at 1 a.m. I was so excited about my new lease on life turning thirty one.  Last night was wonderful.  My sister in law was in town to visit with her family and also my mother in law was there along with my nephews and nieces and my wonderful wife.  As I listened in the background it made me so happy to see what wonderful family I have as they all shared great memories of growing up with each other.  It reminded me of how long Heather and I have been together.  I look back feeling so assured that God gave me the most perfect wife.  It feels awkward calling my in laws in laws.  They are my sister, and mother and brother and nieces and nephews.  I was so charged up last night, like I had read the end of a really good book knowing that I have a strong marriage, wonderfully unique children and an amazing spouse.  It was conformation that my life is on the perfect track.  As I finally retired to bed It still took me about 30 minuets to fall asleep.   Elijah made his way in there with me and he was twisting like a drill bit last night.

I awoke to my cell phone alarm this morning by accident at 630 am.  I don't know what got into me but I sprang up like I had a plan and within 1 minute, I found the garage door opening and me pulling my bicycle off the rack.  This was a surprise to me because I didn't set my alarm and had no intentions of doing much at all today.  Within 2 minutes still in the cloths I sleeped in, and with a pair of flip flops on I took off.  At the 3 Minuit mark I knew what was going to happen.  I decided that I was going to bike 6 miles.  There is a loop I had measured of for my next goal breaking run about 2 months ago and it just seemed right.  So I took off.  I went for it. The humidity was high and the wind was slapping me in the face saying happy birthday you crazy Spack!! 

Dave Ramsey has always said (When people think you are crazy, you are probably on to something good.)  Two miles into the trail, this lady slows down her car and says  'Do you need a ride somewhere or are you just exercising?'  I laughed and told her thanks but I was exercising.  This concept has a tendency to confuse Gainesboroians, as it is a foreign practice around here.  After all I was still trying to find our what I was doing out there. After about an hour I had finished.  Super charged and alert.  Praising God for starting 31 with such a bang.  I feel fantastic.  I am so blessed.  I cant wait to see my family and have a great rest of my life.

Nesting

"Around the fifth month of pregnancy, the "nesting" instinct can set in. This is an uncontrollable urge to clean one's house brought on by a desire to prepare a nest for the new baby, to tie up loose ends of old projects and to organize your world. Females of the animal kingdom are all equipped with this same need. It is a primal instinct. Just as you see birds making their nests, mothers-to-be do exactly the same thing. The act of nesting puts you in control and gives a sense of accomplishment toward birth."

Ummm, yeah, this is me, like a bird building my nest. The to-do list in my head is long and I'm starting to get anxious about getting it all done. My personality type tends to be a little "detail-oriented" so add that to this natural instinct and it is driving me a bit crazy I must admit.

I am enjoying the motivation to get my nest in order, but as I often say, "the mind is willing, but the body is pregnant." This pregnancy has been a little more physically taxing. Add that to taking care of two energetic little boys and I am left wondering how all this is going to get done. In reality, I know if nothing gets done, she'll still be born and come home and won't notice if my nest is perfect or a big mess. But I am still going to try to organize and declutter as much as I can until she gets here. Because once sweet girl gets here I know life will be messy and chaotic for a while.

I would love to blink my eyes and this mental to do list would be done, but instead we are taking steps to satisfy my bird-like behavior. We have hired a friend from church who does housecleaning to come every other week to help with the basic tasks: kitchen, bathrooms, floors, and dusting. I have been working on getting the boys in the same room and getting the nursery ready. I found the cutest bedding at an outlet store and can't wait for the pinkness to take over. We are also decluttering quite a bit and I LOVE getting rid of stuff. The more simple our home looks, the better.

We are also finally going to tackle painting the main areas of the house also. Our plan was to have Jason paint the whole thing, but what an overwhelming task for one person, who is just not into detail-oriented jobs. So I called a painter and got a quote and we have decided to hire him to add some color to our house. I am so excited about finally getting this done!

Jason has been so helpful and I am blessed to have a husband who cares about my desires. I know I can nag and seem unappreciative at times because of the hormonal surges, but I am so blessed. He never complains about the extra chores he does to make life easier on me. I recently learned that allowing him to do these things without feeling guilt is part of being a submissive wife. It's his way of loving me. So I accept his love and have been working on the guilt part. I'm just really glad that God created human males to stick around after the mating process! We are one another's helpmates and I think I got the best one in the world.