When we bought that house, it was so exciting. It was our first home, and it was brand-spanking new. Our goal was to have a low-maintenance home(complete opposite of our new place! lol) and be close to my family. Noah was 6 months old and we were still dealing with so many health issues and wanted to simplify everything we could because life was pretty much consumed with doctor's appointments. It was clean, it was safe, and it was in a great neighborhood. It was a good fit and we started a happy little family there.
I like to organize and although I live with lots of messy people, I still keep on trying to maintain some order because it makes life a little more peaceful. One thing I was thinking of as we got ready to move was how far I had come in simplifying our "stuff". "Simplify" has been my mantra for the past 3 years.
When we were first married, we had lots of weird combined stuff. Jason was really, really a pack rat, and I was a little bit of one. He kept everything from his bachelor days that he thought was "cool" and I would always designate a room for this stuff, lol, usually the room no one saw too often. We always laugh about it, and his new room is a giant 40 X 30 foot garage, aka the "man cave." We're both happy now. Jason has actually become a declutter king, sometimes I have to stop him from throwing everything away. So miracles do happen. ;)
I am good at organizing "behind the scenes" and not so good at overall cleaning. Look in my closets and drawers though and they usually look pretty neat. Jason is good at making the house look great in 30 minutes. So we're a good team. I bought the book "The House That Cleans Itself", because a bunch of church gals were bragging on it. I thought, that sounds amazing, I want that! So I read it and got prepared, but I got all crazy perfectionist and gave up because I couldn't do it 100%. Same with Flylady's principles, although I will say, a lot of her advice has really stuck with me and helped on my simplifying journey. If I ever get stuck, I will set a timer and go to room to room for 15 minutes. It always amazes me how much I get done if I know that timer is set!
In the book I mentioned above, she recommended you take pictures of your house all messy so you can see what you need to change. A before and after type thing. So when I was pregnant with Ava, I did this, because my house looked absolutely cluttered and out of control as it ever had during our entire time there. I was big, miserable, and taking care of two little boys. But yet, I still had the nerve to judge myself as pathetic for not having an immaculate house. bwwwahahahaha, such a dork! So I took these pictures and thought horrible thoughts about myself and had a pity party on how I can't do it all. waagggh waaggggh! And looking back, the pictures weren't that bad! I did that with a lot of areas in my life, I'd list all the stuff I needed to change and go on to try and fix it and then get discouraged when I'd end up back where I started.
So were the heck am I going with all of this? (I honestly sat down with the intention of writing a short blog, lol, I have too much to say!) I used to be so hard on myself about pretty much anything that involved me doing something right. If I coudln't do it to my standards, which are usually way too high, then I'd just give up. Well, God is good and is helping me out with that stinkin' thinkin'. I'm still working on it, but letting go of perfectionism=FREEDOM!
So back to the other day when I was at our for sale house. I realized how far I had come, how many perfectionist expectations I let go of recently. I saw that when I let go and let God, it happens effortlessly.
What happened to change this mentality? I just seriously gave it to God and am focusing on who I am in Christ. You know the scripture, "I can do all things in Heather who stengthens me?" Only kidding, but I hope you get the point, I was thinking I could do everything out of my own strength. The struggle to be better was just a heart issue that was deep rooted as a lack of my trust of who I am in Christ. He is more than enough.
So I took after pictures not long before we moved out. These pictures are what my house had evolved into over the past five years. It actually reflects the change in my heart. A lot of the clutter has been removed and it just feels peaceful. It's awesome how the issues of the heart radiate to every aspect of our life and it is also not so awesome if we ignore them and try to change ourselves out of our own strength. As I looked around that empty house, I felt like I had pulled into the revelation station. I was there, thinking it would be cool to go back and talk to me five years ago!
Seriously, all of this just made sense. All of those years of worrying about being "perfect" and seeing how much time I wasted on trying to be good enough were basically blank thoughts as I focused on the good things. Hindsight was 20/10! I am beginning a new season of life with a better vision and letting my heart stuff just pour out as God shows me truths about who I am. I'm not perfect and for the first time, I am okay with that. It feels good to be okay with life as it is, walking each day in His glory, and realizing He's gonna show me all I need to know. And He cares about every part....even my everyday life and my keeper of the home tasks. He's using me and my mad skillz as a Mama to shape three pretty important lives. I am thankful that He rescued me from myself and now I can look around my not-so-perfect house and feel COMPLETE peace. Now that REALLY is a miracle!! As I was looking through the "before" pictures, I noticed that the boys were following me around and were in most of them. In the middle of my chaos, there they were, being sweet as ever. In this one, I was taking a picture of my unmade bed, when the best part was those two little guys in it. I'm so glad I am choosing to see life in the moment now.
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