Seasons

Have you ever looked back at the past and thought, "I am so glad I am where I am at now?"  Or maybe you really would like to go back to the past, when life seemed a little more simple. 
I had this really good revelation this week.  I was looking at my children.  Noah is now 6 years old, Eli is 3, and Ava is 19 months.  I see them growing up so fast.  It is bittersweet.  I stared at Noah's little face as he slept tonight.  It is so sweet and precious.  Still so young, and how the past 6 years have shaped our lives! 
I envision the future and wonder what each stage of life will be like for our family.  The days when I am less responsible of taking care of their physical needs.  Sometimes I think about how nice it will be to not change diapers anymore.  Sometimes the thought makes me sad.  I look forward to watching them grow up and loving them through it all, but it is going by so fast already.  I don't want to miss the "now" moments, and I want to be so present that I will cherish each day.
I was thinking about how seasons of life are so interesting.  How this season of parenting young children can be so wonderful and overwhelming at the same time!  I look back and think about how when it was one baby, then two, and now three.  Each season has been so different, yet has shaped the very essence of our lives. 
I also began thinking about other seasons of life; childhood, the 20's, and now the 30's.  How so many things have happened in the almost 34 years of my life.  How I've often forgotten how all those seasons have shaped me into the person I am today.  How I have often fought against experiencing those seasons because I never felt like I had it together.  It's easy to look back and judge ourselves, isn't it? 
But God showed me something really cool.  Those moments, those seasons, and what I chose to do with them, shaped who I am today.  I know my Father is always with me, and that even though sometimes I made bad decisions, He has been guiding me to seeing who I am in Christ.  His love never gives up.  Those seasons of life when I tried so hard to control my life, led me to see that I could not.  The issues of my heart are being worked out and for each season I grow in Him, I am thankful.  I can't look back and think of all the mistakes now.  I look back and see His grace, His mercy, and unconditional love walking me through it all.  Every season has been a part of getting me to where I am today. 
I don't want to forget to embrace the seasons.  If there are issues of my heart to be worked out, I trust in Him to guide me through them.  I want to be present, for myself and the people I love.  I want to experience my children's seasons with a presence that doesn't look back or forward.  I know it's normal to think about past and future, but not at the sake of missing the present.  I have been guilty of judging myself of the past or looking to the future for my hope.  I want to live so present that whether it's experiencing the blessing of life I've been given or working out the issues of my heart, I can stay focused on who I am, trusting in His ability.  I am thankful, yesterday, today, and tomorrow that You never give up on me Father.