Monday's Musings

Noah tells me, "your belly was nasty and baby sister is too, we need to get her out and clean her up!"

Noah also insists that her name is "Aba"(Ava). We are also considering Olivia and Isabella, but he doesn't like those. When Jason asks him her middle name he says "Bryce". I have no idea where that came from. lol

Elijah loves to raise up my shirt, lay on my belly, and rub it. It's almost like he is bonding or remembers something about being in my womb. So sweet. :)

Elijah's latest phrase is "Oh Gosh!" I was wondering where he picked this up from, but have caught myself saying it alot more than I realized.

After stepping on a train, I let the "s" word slip. Later that day, I lost my balance and said "shoot". Noah started saying "ship, ship" and Jason was telling him not to say that word. We walk out to put the boys in the car and I accidentally honk the horn, Jason jumps and let's the "s bomb" slip. I laughed so hard I started cramping and the boys were grinning from ear to ear. I'm just glad I'm not the only one to blame!

Jason painted baby girl's room last night, so we are officially in the pink business. I think he was reminded of his dislike of painting. I am excited to get the nursery put together.

This Wednesday we get to see her again and will have 3-D images from the ultrasound!

The days are starting to go by really slowly. 4-6 weeks seems SO far away! This is definitely the part of pregnancy that tests your patience!

Orthorexia Nervosa

This is such a good article about balancing life and good eating habits. I often envy people who seem to go 100% with lifestyle changes, but when I try to do this myself, I end up overwhelmed. This article is pretty much how I feel deep down, that there is a balance to our health. You can become obsessive about everything and try to do it perfect, or you can "live" and do your honest best while enjoying food, even the "bad" stuff once in a while, without feeling condemned. If I ever get to the point I don't let my kids eat birthday cake at a party, someone smack me please! (That isn't in the article, but I know people who do.) It's kind of like religion, everyone thinks they have the right theology, becoming obsessed of their beliefs and judgemental of those who disagree. I am approaching this in the same manor I choose my faith, with GRACE! I am not perfect, but that is okay, I will have peace and be led on the right track without condemnation. And if through this, some 100%-er tries to tell me I'm not doing it "right", well I suppose I'll choose grace instead of envy because ultimately what I'm striving for is peace. It doesn't mean I will lose my passion for healthy eating or give myself excuses to eat bad foods, but I will lose the guilt and condemnation that often comes along when you do something contrary to a holistic eating lifestyle.

http://drbenkim.com/articles-orthorexia.html

Be anxious for nothing?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil. 4:6

Okay so I am in the anxious stage of pregnancy and this scripture keeps popping into my head. In some ways, it's a good anxious like the excitement of meeting my daughter. But in many ways, I am getting overwhelmed by my mental to-do list. Will I get my house organized before she gets here? Well probably not the way I'd like. And while I know this is a normal reaction due to the nesting instinct, I know peace can prevail in my mind if I allow it.

Reality: Jason is working late almost every night since this is the busy season. I am just not physically able to do some of it, and am dealing with some sort of stomach issue at the moment making it that much more challenging. *blah* I am taking care of two little boys who need to a lot of love and see no need for an organized house.

So I am praying for peace of mind, restored health, and efficient use of the time we have before she arrives. I am praying for Jason's work to be blessed and prosperous and his strength to be restored each day. I even pray for help, in whatever form that may develop.

I am thankful for a healthy baby girl in my womb. I pray for her to stay there as long as she needs to, even if I become anxious to meet her. I am thankful for my two beautiful sons who make my days so much richer. I am thankful for a husband who is blessed with a job that allows me to stay home. I am thankful for him also because he is my helpmate and blesses me daily with taking the burden off of my shoulders. I am thankful for this home, it is a beautiful home where memories are being made. It may not be perfect according to my standards sometimes, but it is more than enough. I am thankful to God for blessing me with a wonderful life, and I repent of ever becoming anxious.

Monday- Mama's Musings

I enjoy how Noah brings me his yogurt tube when he can't figure out how to get it all out. He looks like a little bird as I squeeze the rest into his sweet little mouth. It's a daily ritual.

I'm really loving Elijah little facial expressions. His personality is really shining through and it is so cute.

Aunt Shelli bought Jason a Pee Wee's Playhouse DVD since he loved to watch it as a kid. (Admittedly, so did I.) Noah refers to it as "Wee Wee." When he first said it, I thought he was talking about a body part, lol.

Noah also refers to Wal-Mart as the "toy store." We rarely go there, but he never forgets that the trains are beside the bicyles.

Eli is learning to go potty. He has gone after waking up in the morning three times now. But during the day when he says he has to go "cotty", he just stands there and says "sssssss".

We went fishing on Saturday again, and I caught the only fish. So it's one for Noah, one for me, and Daddy "still doesn't know how," according to Noah.

Forks Over Knives – The Official Movie Website

Forks Over Knives – The Official Movie Website

I found this link via another blog today and am excited to see it when it comes out!! :)

Miracles

I have came across a lot of blogs, stories, etc. the past few days that have so many different views on the nature of God. What is God's role in the good and bad experiences of life? I don't have all the answers, in fact I sometimes get overwhelmed thinking about this, but I believe God IS love. And if I believe that, I have to see His goodness in every situation, no matter how tragic it may seem. Some people believe God "allows" or sends trials our way to make us stronger or teach us a lesson. Well, why I understand that mentality comes from man's view on how we "grow" into mature people, I don't think I would want a relationship with a God who allowed/caused me hardship to teach me a lesson. Some people say they welcome these trials, but deep down I think you have to have trust issues with God if you feel this way.
Two personal examples that I can elaborate on are Noah's health issues and the loss of my second pregnancy.
As I have documented in this blog about our experiences with Noah's birth defects, we have received our obvious "miracles" and we are still dealing with some things we would like to be different. Noah's heart was healed, obvious miracle manifested in many ways including doctor's care. You have to change your view on limiting God's miracles. I see the two defects that closed on their own a miracle, but I also see the surgery that allowed the third defect to be repaired without cutting his chest open a miracle. It took me a while to see things this way, it wasn't easy to understand why his heart wasn't instantly naturally repaired and we could avoid surgery alltogether. I went through the emotions just like many parents, "what am I doing wrong that only part of his birth defects are being healed?" I thought maybe I was missing a key link in my faith walk that would allow Noah to be completely restored to "perfect."
So I was trying to figure all of this out when I got pregnant and lost my baby at 10 weeks. It was so hard, too much to bear for a while. I felt like being a mother made me a whole person, why oh why were my children suffering these things when I knew what kind of life we could provide for them. It just didn't seem fair at all that so many women don't want their children, abuse and neglect their bodies and sometimes their children after they are born. And here I was wanting desperately to just have a "normal" experience and share that desire to be a mother without heartache. Jason and I prayed for a "miracle", that the next day a heartbeat would be detected. We had been hearing teachings on our authority in Christ and were still processing what this meant. We thought if we had this so-called authority, we should be able to manifest it and this child could be brought back from the dead. Even through the confusion, I felt God's comfort, I knew he didn't take this child from me, why even allow the pregnancy if the baby wasn't "meant" to be here. That is cruelty at it's worst to a mother. I wanted our prayers of "authority" to manifest and see a heartbeat the next day, but it just didn't happen. I had a very small peace knowing God didn't cause this or take away my child, but I still wondered why our prayers didn't manifest a miracle. Jason took this really hard and felt like his faith in this authority wasn't strong enough to bring our child back. Deep down, I knew this wasn't true and tried to comfort his pain, but honestly, I didn't completely know why myself. My only comfort was knowing that this wasn't the end, I will have eternity with my baby. Time here on earth will seem like a blink of an eye in comparison, and I look forward to spending it with him. (I think our baby is a boy, so we named him Matthew, which means gift from God.)
Then, came the lessons, the wisdom, the TRUE goodness of God shining through our hardships. His LOVE rescued me, not in ways I thought, but beyond the scope of understanding. The true nature of God was revealed to my heart and that is the goodness of God to make my life richer through hardship. He didn't cause/allow ANYTHING bad to happen to my family, He provided us a way to heal in a way beyond my reasoning, beyond the world's definition of miracles. His grace, His love, His desire to have a personal relationship withe me manifested in ways I can't describe. He taught me how to see Noah as PERFECT! Yes, physically Noah still has defects and YES I want them to be gone, but if they never change instantly, if he has to have more surgery to repair his body, I will see the miracle in each situation. I know how to receive the true peace of God in making decisions for my life and my childrens, and that is the biggest miracle of all. Does this mean I won't make a mistake or feel heartache if we face another challenge? No way, I have emotions just like every other person but I don't feel confused anymore about my role in manifesting the miracles we all want. Anytime we try to make ourselves the reason, the power, the fault of what happens in our lives when it is beyond our control, we live in a bipolar state of mind wondering what we did wrong or right; feeling self-righteous or like a failure, feeling in control and hopeless, desperate to understand why bad things happen. I know that we can make decisions that alter our paths, that's just common sense. You go out, get wasted, kill someone in a car wreck, well that has nothing to do with God, your decision caused a tragedy, end of story.
But what I am talking about are the things that happen and there is no reasoning or fault in the process of understanding "why." I may have found out my "why" in my situation with my children, but there is no way for me to know for certain. I found out early during my pregnancy with Elijah that I had a genetic blood clotting disorder that caused poor folic acid absorption and increased my risk for early miscarriage. So maybe this is what happened to cause Noah's body to form birth defects and the loss of Matthew, but I will never know for sure. I felt a little guilt for a while, but it wasn't a purposeful decision and I couldn't blame myself for simply not knowing. I received another miracle with Elijah, this can be treated during pregnancy and have normal pregnancies and healthy babies. I will have to admit that this did give me some healing and peace, to finally have a "normal" birthing experience.
But the lessons and revelations I've learned through the challenges in my life are what have brought me to this awesome understanding of my wonderful loving Father. I never had to deal with thinking he caused or allowed these things to happen, but I did wonder why He didn't change them to what I thought should manifest. I chose to see the miracles around me every day. People wait and wait for these supernatural miracles and limit God in defining what a miracle means to them. God's miracles are abounding everyday in many ways. We are here to manifest miracles for one another through Him, I don't want to miss out on seeing those opportunities by a limiting definition of what a miracle is. I don't feel pressure to make miracles happen, but am open to seeing them in every area of my life. God is good, He IS love, life can be tough and unfair, some people receive miracles that are praised greatly while other miracles go unnoticed. But choose to see them in your life, don't limit God to the supernatural, attention getting miracles in life. You have the ability to manifest miracles simply by just receiving His love. Praying harder, living better, knowing your authority may embrace some sense of power, but when those things let you down, life just doesn't make sense. We live in a world where bad things happen to good people for no apparent reason at all, that is not going to change. What can change is your ability to overcome these obstacles by seeing the goodness of God, receiving His love, not blaming or wondering "why" you deserved to go through this or what you did wrong. Seeing miracles in their truest form has been the biggest blessing in my life, not limiting God and defining who He is through religions standards. He is so much more, so gracious, so loving, anything that questions these qualities or makes you draw away from a relationship should send off warning bells to your soul. We have an internal wisdom that the world can't destroy if we allow it to manifest. Don't limit God by religion or your abilities to perform, He is waiting for you to open your heart and start seeing the miracles of life. There is no formula you have to have, no specific prayer, no glorious lifestyle to receive His pure, unconditional love. About 8 months ago I let go and simply told God that I had no idea how to get to the place of true understanding of this love, grace, and mercy, but gave Him complete power to infiltrate this revelation into the deepest core of my being. It's hard to put into words, but I get it, I still have a lot to receive but I feel true peace for the first time in my life and I can say that God is 100% love and FOR ME in every situation, and really mean it.

Got Milk?

I got a really good article today about the dangers of modern day cow's milk. It inspired me to write this blog.
When Noah was born, my plan was to breastfeed him exclusively, no questions about it. Prior to the birth, we had no idea Noah had heart and spine defects, so life literally went into shock mode after his delivery. No cuddling my baby boy and nursing him right after birth. I got to hold him for about 2 minutes and he was taken to the nursery because something just wasn't "right." So needless to say, my normal birth plan was replaced by the fear of just hoping he was going to be okay. I didn't have the choice to begin nursing him, he was taken to Vanderbilt Children's hospital hours later while I lay in post-partum recovering from a tramatic labor and delivery. The next day around noon I was released to go be with Noah in the NICU at VCH.
By the time we arrived at the hospital in Nashville, it was around 5 p.m., almost a day since his birth. I hadn't nursed, pumped, or anything, I had no idea how this breastfeeding business worked, he was my first child. So the next morning we were visited by a lactation consultant because Noah was now able to be fed. But guess what, I had no milk yet. He was so hungry and tried to nurse but just couldn't latch. So I was introduced to the pump and had to sit in pumping stations and try to get as much colostrum and milk as I could for him. It just wasn't enough, so they told me he needed formula until I could get enough milk. I was in those pumping rooms every 2 hours for 30 minutes because I knew that breastmilk was best for him. I still kept trying to nurse him, but his latch was so weak that it only frustrated him. Eventually I began making enough milk and within 2 days he was on breastmilk exclusively, all pumped, and in a bottle.
So once we got to go home, I continued this trying to nurse, pumping, and giving a bottle routine. It was so exhausting, but I was determined to make it work, even though I cried every time he wouldn't want to even try to latch. I saw 3 lactation consultants and had so many people try to help. Because I was so exhausted, I began getting mastitis, five times in fact in two months. If you've ever had this, you know how sick you get. I couldn't take care of Noah, I was so sick. In fact, when he was three weeks old I was hospitalized for 4 days because I became so sick. I kept up my pumping routine even though I had to dump it down the sink because of the strong antibiotics I was administered. I'm telling ya, I was determined to keep giving him my milk and didn't want to lose my supply. I still kept trying to get him to latch because I heard that it takes some babies 3 months to really catch on, but he hated my breasts, it was so frustrating for us both.
Two months later, still pumping and getting sick every other week, a speech pathologist who specialized in latch problems did a home visit. She discovered two patches on the roof of Noah's mouth that indicated he had a submucosal cleft palate. Basically, he didn't have an open hole like some babies, but the muscle didn't completely close and the skin just grew over these two holes. So now we knew why he couldn't latch and had trouble even sucking the bottle correctly. I was furious that it took this long to discover, I mean he was at a top-notch children's hospital, how did they miss this?
I was still determined to pump, but then I got the worst case of mastitis yet and my doctor told me I had to quit pumping because my health was getting so bad and I just couldn't take care of Noah like I needed to. I cried for days and felt like I was letting him down. It was hard on me for years actually, and I still wish today that it would've worked out. We began formula and found a bottle made for babies with palate problems. He did so well with this bottle and it was a relief that he wasn't taking so long to eat. Then came the projectile vomitting. We started him on regular milk-based formula and it was apparent he could not tolerate it. So back came the guilt, I almost started pumping again. But we switched to soy formula and the vomitting stopped, but Noah didn't like it too much. After a few weeks, I noticed he was severely constipated and read that was probably because of the soy. So here we go, on another formula adventure. He was very picky and refused most of them. Then I bought a can of lactose free formula and that worked, he liked it and it didn't seem to upset his stomach.
We did formula for about 15 months, then decided to switch him to cow's milk. We were told that he should do okay since most babies outgrow lactose sensitivity at one year. It wasn't as severe of a reaction as the first formula experience, but over the course of a few months we began noticing he was not thriving and kept getting severe stomach issues. It just kept getting worse and worse to the point where he wasn't gaining any weight and began to almost look emaciated. We were referred to a gastroenterologist who after doing a endoscopy found out he was indeed lactose intolerant.
So then came some serious research and I learned more about dairy than I ever thought possible. I learned that it was a huge cause of ear infections and breathing issues, which Noah had suffered both. In fact, I began noticing that I too had suffered all these problems. I knew I had lactose issues, I always got cramps after consuming rich dairy and had also had problems as a baby with milk. Jason also had the same digestive issues, so as a family, we stopped consuming cow's milk. Noah was pretty much off of all dairy, but Jason and I consumed aged cheeses and yogurt since those seemed to not bother us.
Wow, what a difference we ALL saw in our health. Noah gained 5 pounds very quickly and stopped having stomach issues altogether. He has had maybe one ear infection since and doesn't have as near many cold/allergy issues. Same for me, I stopped having severe allergies and my skin actually cleared up quite a bit. It was a total turnaround for us, and we haven't gone back since. After about a year, we did start introducing aged cheeses and fermented dairy, such as yogurt into Noah's diet and he does okay with those now. We also did raw goat's milk for a while since it was a better fat source, but I think even raw milk was a little hard to digest for him.
So now we use enriched rice, almond, and coconut milk. Elijah has never had a glass of cow's milk and is extremely healthy. I breastfed him for 15 months and noticed the times when I ate ice cream or something with milky cheese that he would get a belly ache also. I never thought I'd not drink milk, since we are taught it is so healthy for us and mandantory for our children's calcium needs. That just isn't true! We feel better off of milk than ever before. I know that it was good intentions when they began pasteurizing and homogenizing milk, but it really messed up the natural design of milk. I know some people do great on raw milk and sometimes I wish we did, but I am so in love with our nut milks that I don't feel like I'm missing out on a thing.
Like the article says, if you can't imagine stopping milk, just give it a try for 30 days and see how you feel. There are ways to cut milk out of your diet, and it's not that hard, just an adjustment that is well worth the pay-off. And it doesn't mean no dairy, we still buy yogurt, kefir, and aged cheeses and tolerate them in moderation. So when I see those "Got Milk?" ads, I think "yeah, it's just from a nut, not a cow."

Fast food article

OH MY GOSH!(click to read). More motivation to stay out of drive-thrus!

I especially like the part about the crazy-eyed Filet-o-fish sandwich.

SCURY!!!!!

Nesting

"Around the fifth month of pregnancy, the "nesting" instinct can set in. This is an uncontrollable urge to clean one's house brought on by a desire to prepare a nest for the new baby, to tie up loose ends of old projects and to organize your world. Females of the animal kingdom are all equipped with this same need. It is a primal instinct. Just as you see birds making their nests, mothers-to-be do exactly the same thing. The act of nesting puts you in control and gives a sense of accomplishment toward birth."

Ummm, yeah, this is me, like a bird building my nest. The to-do list in my head is long and I'm starting to get anxious about getting it all done. My personality type tends to be a little "detail-oriented" so add that to this natural instinct and it is driving me a bit crazy I must admit.

I am enjoying the motivation to get my nest in order, but as I often say, "the mind is willing, but the body is pregnant." This pregnancy has been a little more physically taxing. Add that to taking care of two energetic little boys and I am left wondering how all this is going to get done. In reality, I know if nothing gets done, she'll still be born and come home and won't notice if my nest is perfect or a big mess. But I am still going to try to organize and declutter as much as I can until she gets here. Because once sweet girl gets here I know life will be messy and chaotic for a while.

I would love to blink my eyes and this mental to do list would be done, but instead we are taking steps to satisfy my bird-like behavior. We have hired a friend from church who does housecleaning to come every other week to help with the basic tasks: kitchen, bathrooms, floors, and dusting. I have been working on getting the boys in the same room and getting the nursery ready. I found the cutest bedding at an outlet store and can't wait for the pinkness to take over. We are also decluttering quite a bit and I LOVE getting rid of stuff. The more simple our home looks, the better.

We are also finally going to tackle painting the main areas of the house also. Our plan was to have Jason paint the whole thing, but what an overwhelming task for one person, who is just not into detail-oriented jobs. So I called a painter and got a quote and we have decided to hire him to add some color to our house. I am so excited about finally getting this done!

Jason has been so helpful and I am blessed to have a husband who cares about my desires. I know I can nag and seem unappreciative at times because of the hormonal surges, but I am so blessed. He never complains about the extra chores he does to make life easier on me. I recently learned that allowing him to do these things without feeling guilt is part of being a submissive wife. It's his way of loving me. So I accept his love and have been working on the guilt part. I'm just really glad that God created human males to stick around after the mating process! We are one another's helpmates and I think I got the best one in the world.

REMIX!

So if you actually read my blog, you'll notice some changes. Since I am trying to simplify my life I decided to do one blog about all the things running through my busy brain. :) So this is going to be a random blog about our lives, my thoughts, etc. I have a million ideas and don't want to keep starting new blogs to get them all posted! So I'm working on putting it all on one blog, the original "Journey to Health" site. To follow Noah's healing updates, just click the label on the side to get all those posts. I've also combined "The Healing Experiment" blog into this one, which is also labeled. In addition, I am going to just blog about my random daily musings about life as a stay at home mom, spiritual thoughts, and whatever may cross my imaginative mind. I'm hoping to get the layout easy to navigate, but be patient with me as I learn the ins and outs of blogging format. I hope to have a few followers, but if not, that is okay with me because really blogging is my creative outlet to express my thoughts for myself and those who enjoy reading them.

Food pouting..what's that?

I just was sitting here reading over my blog and realized, Jason and I have not food pouted since I wrote about it! Wow, that's big, because I'm still pregnant and not wanting to cook much of anything. I've just kept it as simple and healthy as possible and it's working. Not that we have done perfect in our eating, but we are doing much better. So adios food pouting, our couch is meant for cuddling. :)