Artificial Sweeteners

I have had so many friends over the years who have shared that they are addicted to diet soda drinks and artificial sweeteners.  Personally, before I realized the dangers of consuming them, I tried to like them, but the taste was always very repulsive to me.  So while I can't fully understand how strong this addiction is, I totally believe the struggle is real friends.  Maybe you've always thought they are better for you because real sugar is evil?  But for many people, they have heard the reports that avoiding artificial sweeteners is beneficial to our body and still struggle to stop consuming them.

The most popular artificial sweeteners are:

• Aspartame (Equal, NutraSweet). It's mostly used to sweeten diet soft drinks.
• Saccharin (Sweet'N Low, Sugar Twin). It's used in many diet foods and drinks.
• Sucralose (Splenda). It's in many diet foods and drinks.
• Acesulfame K (Sunett). It's often combined with saccharin in diet soft drinks.

There are so many articles citing research concerning how artificial sweeteners affect the body, but I would like to share this video by Dr. Josh Axe.  He explains how the body processes these chemicals and how they are neurotoxic to our body.

Here are some tips for diet soda replacements:

Try Stevia! 

• Stevia can be bought in any store these days. One of my favorite store bought brands is Skinny Girl Liquid Stevia. 
• My very favorite brand of stevia is from Trim Healthy Mama.  You do have to order this one online, but it's worth the wait!  These girls have gone above and beyond to provide a pure, non-bitter stevia, and it's the best I've found!
• If you prefer a stevia blend the THM Sweet Blend is a great substitute for sugar in recipes and good ol' southern sweet tea.

Make the switch to sparkling water. 

• Yes, this is not always easy at first, I will not give you false hope that it is!  However, I used to have a big love for Dr. Pepper, and honestly I still do like it and have it on occasion, like when we go out for a movie.  But I know drinking Dr. Pepper has ZERO health benefits, so to get my fizzy fix, I started drinking naturally flavored sparkling water.
• My very favorite brand of sparkling water is La Croix.  You can find this at most any grocery store.  It's usually near the bottled water section on the very bottom shelf.  My favorite flavor is lime, but I haven't had one I haven't liked yet!
• After my sparkling water habit became fierce, I bought a Soda Stream for my house and make my own.  I sometimes add my own lemon essential oil and/or pure orange extracts.
• You can even make your own sugar-free Orange Cream Soda by mixing sparkling water with a splash of pure vanilla and orange extracts and a little bit of stevia!

Use honey, maple syrup, or coconut sugar in moderation to replace artificial sweeteners.  These natural products still raise blood sugar levels in the body, so MODERATION IS KEY!

I encourage you right now to make a goal to take one step this week to transition to an artificial sweetener free lifestyle!

And just remember, if you are truly addicted, don't give up!  One day at a time, one choice at a time.  

Mindful Eating

As a busy mom, I often find myself eating in a hurry.  Sometimes, I grab a snack and run out the door so we make it on time to our next to-do.  While some days this is necessary in order to nourish my body, I have discovered the habit of eating mindfully has changed a lot of my healthy eating habits.

What is eating mindfully?  It is slowing down and being present while I am partaking of a food source.  It is enjoying the preparation and cooking of my meals.  It is having an attitude of gratitude that I am able to properly nourish my body.  It is enjoying the company around my table with whom I share a meal.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help stay mindful while enjoying your food:

1.  Where does this food come from?  One of my goals is to buy food locally as much as possible.  During the winter months, this is more of a challenge where I live.  But, I have found supporting local farmers during the growing season brings a new appreciation for food.  Check out www.localharvest.org to find sources of local foods in your area.

2. What is actually in my food?  Being mindful of food ingredients is a good idea nutritionally speaking, but it also brings awareness to how you are treating yourself.  Food labels that have several unknown ingredients are probably not doing your body well.  Choose whole foods first and foremost, but when you do have a prepackaged snack or food, just be mindful of what is actually in the product.  Many times there are healthier versions of your favorites that have better ingredients.

3. Am I paying attention to flavors?  As you sit down to a meal, pay attention to the unique flavors in your food.  Think about the ingredients and try to figure out what that distinct taste may be?  In the fast pace we live in, it's easy to not have one thought about these flavors, but slow down, and be present with your meal.

4. Am I chewing my food properly?  Many people do not chew up their food properly.  They are used to eating so fast, they have become accustomed to almost swallowing food in it's whole state.  I know that in the early years of motherhood, I would do this because of the demand on my time.  I got into a bad habit of not chewing my food up well and realized I was doing this even when I had plenty of time to enjoy a meal.  The body receives more nutrients and digests food that has been properly chewed.  Try to slow down and be mindful of chewing your food enough.  You will also become full faster, which will help avoid overeating.

5. Do I actually like what I'm eating?  I know many times in the past, I have eaten something I didn't enjoy simply because it was what was available and I didn't want to waste.  I realize in life, there are times this will happen, but it should be the exception, not the norm.  If you have a clean plate mentality, meaning you have been trained to clean your plate, this one may take some time.  Try to prepare meals that you and your family will enjoy sitting down to eat.  I know for the sake of health, I have prepared some meals I do not love, and it is just not a fun experience to have this kind of meal.  I would rather stick to the healthy meals I know we all love to eat than eat a food we just don't enjoy.  No matter how I eat yellow squash, it just isn't my favorite, so I just don't eat it anymore. I do not mind making foods for others that I don't enjoy, I just will pass when it comes to my plate.

6. Am I thankful for this food?  This one is a big one and a simple one.  Giving thanks for the food we are eating brings mindfulness full circle.  My family and I say thanks to God before we eat a meal, and as we are praying I focus my heart on a true attitude of gratitude.  It's easy for praying before a meal to become routine and task-oriented, and I have been guilty of that.  Once I made a choice to be more mindful, that included making this part of my meal very important.  I feel true thankfulness that I have food to nourish my family.

7. Am I engaging with the people with whom I share this meal?  In the busy world we live in, sitting down as a family to enjoy a meal is precious time.  As I stay mindful of the food I am eating, I also want to be intentional to use this time to connect with others at the table.  Sometimes it may be a meal shared with extended family or friends that I haven't seen in a while.  Breaking bread together is a special moment that I can be mindful of.  As I am nourishing my body with food, I also feed my soul when I am mindful of the time spent with those I love.

I hope these questions will inspire you to choose to see food and mealtimes as something more than just eating.  Being mindful and thankful can really make a big difference in our overall health.

Studying the Bible with Children

We are about to finish up our third year homeschooling our children! I can't believe how fast it's gone.  I still feel like I am trying to figure out much about this enormous responsibility.  I feel that home educating has taught me as much, if not more, than I've taught my sweet children!  One aspect of our time together that has been very precious to me is pursuing our faith in our savior and Lord Jesus.  Of all the experiences that have taught me about God, I can say that teaching my children about Him has settled my heart into a place of peace like none other.  I feel that I truly have grown as a person through our studies together and that many great conversations have been birthed from making Bible study and faith discussions a big part of our day.

You do not have to homeschool to add this beautiful experience into your lives.  Church can provide a great help to parents, but I encourage you to find a time to devote to pursuing your faith together at home.  You honestly don't have to understand or know much of anything about the Word of God.  This is an adventure you all can take together.  You are good enough, right where you are, to teach and conversate with your children about the Christian faith.

Because we are at home, we spend about 20-30 minutes after breakfast on our bible curriculum and reading from children's bibles.  I basically read aloud to them and then we may talk about what I read.  I do not script it out, if questions or comments arise, we discuss them after I have finished reading.  If they don't have questions, that's okay too.  I also allow them to color or draw as I read if they want to, because little minds often retain more information when they are allowed to do other quiet activities while being read to.  I just ask them to be quiet while I am reading and to ask questions or make comments when I'm done.  They do not have to repeat what I told them, this can create pressure and make the experience less enjoyable.  I encourage a relaxed approach, not traditional school style where they have to sit still and be drilled, this will just frustrate everyone.  I may know a thing or two about doing this a little wrong.  But now, I feel we have developed a peaceful place and routine that has become our favorite part of our learning routine.

If your children go to a public or private school, this may be a great routine to start after dinner.  We used to do this after dinner, but for us, our afternoon schedules didn't provide a consistent time and it was put last instead of first, often not happening at all.  I think it's wonderful when Dads can do a dinner devotion.  We enjoyed it when it worked, but Jason's afternoon work schedule is never routine, so I had to adjust our day so the kids were seeing us put Him first instead of fitting it in when it was convenient.  Every family will look different, maybe a longer weekend session would work best for yours.  In a world where it's really easy to fill every last minute with something, I really encourage you to search your schedule and carve out some time to implement this into your family's journey.  Everyone will benefit!

Not sure where to start?  There are numerous choices, it's actually overwhelming when you start trying to find the right one.  I encourage you not to let that stop you from picking something!  It's good enough to just start with something, maybe it's just reading the Word, maybe you have something already collecting dust on your bookshelf, that will work.  You will find out quickly if you need to change the pace.  I found that something geared towards my children's ages has worked best.  Right now, my kids are 10, 7, and 5.  Here is what we use:

1.  Apologia's "Who is God?"  This is the first book in the "What We Believe" series.  We have really enjoyed it and it has made teaching the basics of a Christian worldview to my children very simple.  I usually read one segment at a time, not the whole lesson, because my littles attention span is still fairly short!  I bought the main book and the coloring book.  They offer a student journal, junior student journal, and audio CD as well.  I have considered the student journal, but I think we may do those as they get older.

2.  The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

Oh how I love this! It is perfect for any age, but if you have really young children, this is just the best.  I often read this on my own!  The illustrations are simply beautiful.  I usually read one chapter right after we finish "Who is God."  We started at the beginning and are still working our way through the Old Testament stories.

3.  The Child's Story Bible by Catherine F. Vos

Last but definitely not least! This has been a very recent addition to our Bible time.  It was recommended by a trusted homeschool mentor, and I am so glad I now know about this gem!  I'm also reading this on my own time and it is hard to put down!  If you struggle with reading the Word, like I do, consider this one strongly.  We are starting with the New Testament in this one because I still have little ears listening and some of the Old Testament stories may be harder for them to understand.

Whatever you choose, I hope it blesses and strengthens your faith as much as it has mine.  In a world where it's really convenient to put the Word last, may we see that putting Him first will bring peace, hope, and unity within our precious families.

Day 2:  Here are a few pictures of our RV and my littles....

     

Ava really loved the mirror on the bathroom door to stare at herself.  I guess being little, you don't really have a lot of mirrors at your height level.

21 feet of living space!  I'm wondering how this will go.  We have over 2,000 square feet at home and this is sweet right now, but how will it be in a few days?

I slept really well last night!  Jason had to wake up at 6 a.m. to go to work this morning.  The kids woke up about 8:45 a.m. and at about 9 a.m., I rolled out of bed for our first full day of camping.  We are not super early morning people, and I'm glad they slept in until our normal time today!

They were really excited to eat little boxes of cereal this morning! This is something we do on all of our vacations.  Total waste of packaging, super sugary, and super expensive(my frugal, health nerd thoughts), but I even think it's fun to be a cereal rebel once in a while.  I hardly ever buy cereal for home because they don't really like it.  But something about those sugary types in the mini boxes makes us all appreciate cereal a little more.

After I got ready for the day, I did a little more nesting and started cooking a real breakfast!  It took me a minute to think through cooking outside, I brought some sourdough starter to make sour dough pancakes because they are the best ever!

I fried up some crispy bacon.

And we had our first outdoor breakfast experience.

DAY 1 Departure Day:

Because my family camped in an RV growing up, I knew to start days before. But in hind-sight, I should have started preparing a week before.  However, life has been extremely busy up until this week with end of the year programs and appointments, so preparing was not on my mind until Monday.  That night, I made a meal plan and full food and supplies shopping list.  Yesterday, Tuesday, the kids and I braved Walmart together and spent a lot of money getting first time supplies.  I felt like I did a good job not getting too many "extras", but it added up quick!  I also fell into the vacation mindset and bought way more junk/processed food than I have in years.  Old habits die hard I guess!  I worked on laundry all night long, and started more lists and gathering of supplies from the house.

So today, we had a plan.  I would wake up and start packing up the camper.  Jason would come home at noon and we would roll out at about 1 or 2 p.m.  I have worked my butt off!  In our house, we have stairs that lead into the basement entry where the RV is parked near the door.  I don't know how many trips I made up and down those stairs, but by the time Jason got home, my legs were hurting so bad.  My knee was giving out and I had to take the longer route around the front of the house to finish loading.  I did employ the kids to help when I could, but I had a plan and I was in "control" mode in making sure everything went to the right spot.  So, finally....I got the inside all packed up.  Jason got everything else done, and by about 5:30 p.m., I was more tired than I have been in a long time.  My knee was in so much pain, I got in the hot tub to soak my aches and then took a shower.  The kids were asking about every five minutes, all day long, when we were leaving.  At this point, it felt like tomorrow.  Then Jason mentioned we needed to feed the kids, get ice, and beverages.  He finished up last-minute house chores while I went to accomplish those tasks.  So we ate Subway sandwiches, packed up the cooler, and finally left!

And we're off!  On our first camping adventure.  We left our house on Wednesday, May 20th at about 7 p.m.

We arrived at about 8 p.m. at our first destination: Site #81 at Salt Lick Campground in Gainesboro, TN.  We sat up camp just before the rain set in.  Praise the Lord....we finally made it!

The Roller Coaster Ride

Noah will be 9 on October 11th.  NINE!!

 

 

Nine years ago, to this day, I was awaiting the birth of our first baby.  I had my visions of what that was going to look like.  When we became a family with a child.  No longer just the two of us.  I envisioned what I'm sure most first time Mamas do.  The birth and meeting him for the first time, the ride home from the hospital, the introduction to his new nursery, and the milestones that would follow.

We didn't get "normal."  And for years, I was really sad about that.  His birth was traumatic, we were introduced to the reality of his congenital birth defects.  I held him for maybe 2 minutes, and they took him away.  I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew something wasn't right.  Several hours later, he was transported to the NICU at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.  All I could think about was him being with complete strangers in that ambulance ride wondering where his Mama was.  They gave me sleeping medicine because I couldn't stop crying or relax after a 25 hour labor.  I needed rest, but I wanted my baby. The next morning, I had to look back at an empty car seat, and had my first real BIG breakdown, as we travelled to be with Noah in Nashville.  He saw his nursery at 8 days old.  His first years were filled with one appointment after another, and several surgeries. This was our normal. 

It's been HARD, really hard at times to see your child go through one struggle after another.  I've been mad as hell at times.  I've held myself together most of the time.  I've been thankful because we don't have it as bad as some families.  I've ridden an emotional Mama roller coaster so many times. I've felt nauseous and wanted to throw up those emotions to never see them again.  But they keep coming, I keep riding, it's impossible not to. 

But each time, this ride feels a little more familiar.  I see that twist, that turn, that heart stopping free fall drop.  My heart has been conditioned to experience the ride.  It hasn't become easy, and I haven't stopped feeling uneasy.  But each time, I recover faster, I react with less frantic-ness, I ride without screaming.

Noah, my sweet sweet boy.  He is the most precious gift.  This roller coaster ride we've been on, it's been exciting too.  It's been wonderful even when it didn't feel like it.  His spirit is so unique, and so beautiful.  He still hasn't ever asked me "why", he just does what is required, with amazing strength, and with strength I've never seen in a human being.  And he doesn't get overwhelmed on this ride like his Mama does.  Oh what he's taught me!

Beyond all of the pain, the physical exhaustion, the emotional ups and downs, the trying of my faith......I wouldn't trade these 9 years with this amazing boy for another experience.  I've become a better person because I was trusted to be his mother.  It's super hard to explain how I've come to this place of thankfulness.  Because the truth is, I would take every single hardship away if I could, but I can see something beautiful coming out of his life.  Noah's purpose here is unique and it's not my job to try to change that. 

It helps me understand Jesus and his sacrifice for me more.  God's ONLY son.  I'm sure he wanted to take his pain away, but he knew, something beautiful would result from His walk here on Earth.  He knew the struggles would bring freedom, would bless many, and that he was strong enough.  Many others on this Earth are walking out struggles, watching their children walk through something they wish they could take away.  But oh the beauty that will come from a life destined by the Maker of us all.  I still ask God for answers, I still get angry sometimes, and I still pray for healing even when I don't understand or wonder if I'm being heard.  I don't know as much about Him as I used to think I did, but I do know one thing, I can TRUST Him.  Life has confused the heck out of my theology. 
I know this.....He loves Noah, myself, and my whole family more than I can possibly fathom.  So why wouldn't He take care of us.  He gave HIS life for me.  I'm pretty sure that's all I really need to know.             

 

The Beauty of Hardship

The beauty of hardship is a newfound thankfulness.

When your health is compromised, failing, or a constant trial, a newfound thankfulness for wellness emerges.

When you lose a loved one, a newfound thankfulness for those you love still living abounds.

When something you desire for your life doesn't turn out as planned, but you get a chance to fulfill that desire later on, a newfound thankfulness is felt.

Even if that desire never comes to fruition, a thankfulness comes as you see the timing was all wrong in the first place.

There are a million stories, situations in each of our lives, all unique, some happy and some full of pain.

So when you feel sad, lost, hopeless, and depressed.....their is a side of beauty that exists.  Search for it, and there you will find thankfulness.  It may take a while to get there, but strive to see it, peace exists there.

Desire

This "systematic" Christian life feels so disconnected.
I desire TRUE connection with my Father.
I desire to feel peace without following "formulas."
I desire relationships from the heart, a TRUE experience.
Authentic, REAL, honest, and life-giving LOVE!
THIS IS POSSIBLE!
But, sometimes, I do not know how to BE this.
Lord, help me and teach my formulaic soul to yield to the
Unforced Rhythms of Grace- YOUR ABILITY!

I am tired of being confused,
Tired of feeling alone,
and tired of being self-centered.
Show me how to BE your daughter and break the bondage of
Falling into the DO mentality.

I know your will is for my life to be an experience of
PEACE
LOVING RELATIONSHIPS, and
SERVANTHOOD for your children.
Teach me YOUR ways Oh Lord,
For man is not my strength and knowledge.
YOU ARE!
I desire a PEACE and LOVE for mankind,
That only comes from You.

Unplugged Update

I have been VERY intentional to my commitment to unplug.  I've had far less screen time and much more face time.  For a few weeks, I removed Facebook from my phone.  I knew it would be tempting to get caught in the trap of looking for a bit and staying on too long.  I purposefully became present in life.  It's been a constant goal, but I am a bit more focused on living "BEING" here completely.
I've struggled in some areas, and am realizing sometimes I look at the screens of life to avoid some painful realities God is prompting my heart to see.  But, I'm okay with that.  I know my Father is big enough to help me overcome.

It's really cool how that oBEdience thing works.....following those promptings even when they seem challenging, and seeing a nice fruitful harvest.  And truth is, it usually is not as hard as the enemy tries to make us believe.  The anticipation of being obedient is actually the hardest part, and that's our flesh screaming to hold on to something we'd be better off without.  Another truth is I already have what it takes to succeed, I just have to BElieve it.
I'm not sure of a lot, but I am sure that God has our best interests at heart, always. 

BE courageous. BE strong.

Something really unfamiliar, but exciting, is happening.  

The spirit of fear and timidity is dissipating within me.  

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

The Lord called me down a road of seeking Him only.  To choose to tune out all other voices.  To trust that I can come to His throne.  

                                                       Hebrews 4:16

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

It has not felt comfortable.  It has felt unfamiliar.  I have had bad days! I have felt panicked! But I have always felt Him right there, soothing my insecurities.

Deuteronomy 31:6

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the L ord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

I trust the Lord's voice above man.  No one else can tell me "when I am ready" to follow the Lord's voice.  I am aware of the obstacles the enemy will throw in my path.  Most of the time it's through something posing as the Lord's wisdom.  But I can BE courageous.  I can BE strong.  I can stand firm.  

1 Corinthians 16:13

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.

UNPLUG!

I read this blog post via Facebook the other day that led to me reading more of her blogs that were so very good.  The reason it captivated my attention was because the basis of her blog fell right into line with something God has been sharing with my heart.  
The post was brilliant.  It said so many things my heart was screaming.  So many things I had already began to put into practice because being distracted just is NOT working for me.  I had become a bit addicted to seeing what is going on in everyone else's life and it has caused me to miss moments in my own. :( SUPER SAD FACE! :(
In the last six months, I have gotten SO much better about not being "distracted" with social media, however, it is still something that I occasionally catch myself doing!  At times, I have caught myself being zoned-out by the latest Instagram photos, new "pins", emails, Facebook posts, etc.  And just to be honest, I have to remind myself that it's crazy to be thinking about what moment I will share with my "friends" next instead of just enjoying it!  It is a consumer of thought and time, and it is distracting.  It is robbing our children of precious time that we can't get back.
The saddest part is that my kids have learned the art of repeating themselves to get my attention when I am on my phone.  Sometimes I even don't hear what people say at all.  I have even gotten frustrated at my family for interrupting me while I am trying to "concentrate" on things that aren't even as important as my family is to me.  I catch myself pretty quickly these days and snap out of it.  However, I still see something about this "culture" we're in that just isn't working for me anymore.
Like the author of the blog post, I have had moments I wish I could take back, words I wish I didn't say.  I am human. I know this is something most everyone could say, but I feel like God is calling me to make a commitment to change, to get out of the flow of the norm of this plugged in, but unplugged culture.
Yes, technology has it's benefits.  We can learn about any topic we desire within seconds! It's really sad that many people do not know or have forgotten how to have face-to-face interactions with one another.  It's sad that our youth is exposed to this massive "popularity" concept that never ends.  Every moment is shown to the world, because that's just what people do.  I know there is a balance in there somewhere, but it's so easy to get sucked into the obsession of portraying our "best life moments."  I know that many people share their lives this way with people who they don't see often, distant friends and relatives, that is the positive side of these outlets.  There is the aspect that people can be inspired by your faith, love, and kindness that may never experience that in "real" life.  But let's get real, that is not the usual motive.  It's pretty rare actually.  Even though I have streamlined my Facebook to display the positive posters and limit my interactions, I still can spend too much time reading the "good" stuff, and miss out on what matters most in life.  My precious family, my sweet sweet blessings, they deserve my attention more than anyone else on this planet.
I have decided to be VERY intentional about my decision to "unplug".  I know I may miss out and be un-cool and so out of the "know" that I seem a bit awkward, but that's a feeling I'm familiar with already. LOL!  When I read in the Bible, to be "in this world" but not "of this world", I am inspired, challenged, and ready to be a complete WEIRDO!!!
So I have decided to go completely off the grid, get rid of the phone, and put my kids in a bubble.
JUST KIDDING, STOP FREAKING OUT! ;)
No, like I said, there are benefits of the technology age we live in.  I will still use the internet, I will still have a phone, and I will enjoy seeing the lives of distant family and friends.  But I am seeking to find balance, to be present when I am in fellowship with my face-to-face family and friends, and to not let the "social" media "look at me" trend  suck me into it's trap.  My intentions will be first to be present in REAL life and whatever time is leftover, to share it with the people who I don't see everyday.  We have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. who we enjoy watching live life and sharing our lives with via the internet.  I want my motives, beyond that, to be to fellowship with and maybe inspire others.  I know everyone won't agree with me, and I know this is something MY heart is speaking to me, but I'm certain others may struggle with this very issue as well.  There is no reason to condemn or judge either way, but to be present is a present to those around us and most importantly to be present with God is the greatest gift of all.  He is teaching us always, but if we are constantly distracted and getting irritated when he is trying to speak to our hearts, we may be missing out on something that could set us free, heal us, and offer much more peace than acceptance of man ever could.  So the author of the post has gone "hands free", I am calling it "unplugging".  Same concept, choosing to BE HERE, to cause experiences of LOVE with our loved ones, strangers, people who really need a dose of the REAL Jesus......I am committed to this cause.


  

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

We arrived at the hospital at about 11 a.m. on the day of Noah's surgery.  We waited about 2 hours before they called us back.  They took Noah's vitals and we went through the usual steps and questions.  On my side of the family, there is a family history of an anesthesia reaction called Malignant Hypothermia.  It is a very serious complication.  For any of Noah's surgeries, they take the precautions necessary to prevent any reaction.  The machines have to be completely cleaned of any triggering agent.  I mentioned this at his last appointment to the doctor who said he would make sure it was noted everywhere.   However, I have discovered that no matter how many times you mention this, somehow it slips through the cracks of communication.  At a previous surgery, even though we had told several people, it was missed.  Had I not mentioned it, Noah would have been at risk.  I actually called four times prior to this surgery, and knew the doctor had noted it, but somehow it happened again.  So when this happens, surgery gets delayed due to waiting on cleaning the machines.  I was frustrated that this happened again.  Noah's doctor was also frustrated.  But it was what it was, so we waited another 45 minutes for Noah to be wheeled away for surgery.
He was so sweet.  He was taking pictures on his DS of all the people who came in the room.  He was very calm and relaxed.  It's like he has a supernatural understanding beyond his years.  It's amazing.  When they started talking about possible complications, which I had heard most of them before, my anxiety levels were rising.  It's the point where you feel like taking your child and running away.  But, I knew that the benefits far outweigh the risks.  Risk though, is always a scary reality, and it's never easy to listen to what "might" happen, even if it's a 1 in a thousand chance.  Throughout Noah's life, he has been on the other side of the statistical stance several times.  So I began to internally begin what Mamas do best, worry and wish that this was a decision I didn't have to make.
I stayed calm and strong for Noah, but as soon as they took him away, I told Jason I needed a bathroom to cry in.  I don't know why, but I like to hide when I cry.  So I went in and let it out.  Even though I was crying and sad, I still had peace.  I was anxious, because it's never easy to let your child go into an operating room, no matter how small or big the risk.  There is still a possibility of something going wrong, so it's near impossible to be content until you are holding them again.
So we ate lunch and came back into the waiting room about an hour and a half later.  Then it got to the three hour mark and we got a phone update from the nurse.  I was assuming it would be to let us know the surgery was over, but she said it was going to take 2 more hours.  She said Noah was doing great but that it took a little longer to get a good look at what was going on around the ear bones.  The doctor had told us that he wouldn't know exactly what was going on until he was inside Noah's ear, so I was thinking that it must have been really complicated!  I still had peace but I was really anxious to see Noah.
We got another update about an hour later and she said he was doing good and should be done by 7 p.m.  The last 2 hours were the longest.  I hadn't prepared to wait this long, but that's what it took.  At about 7, Noah's doctor came out to the waiting room and explained what he had found.  He told us it was the most complicated case he has ever seen.  There is a facial nerve that runs through the ear which we had heard about during the "risk talk".  If damage is done to that nerve, it can cause permanent paralysis of the face, and it would appear as though the person had a stroke.  He said Noah's nerve actually split around the ear bones and join back together on the other side.  He had only seen this once before and said he would maybe see it three times in his whole career.  It is extremely rare.  There is Noah on the other side of the statistics again.  His doctor went into great depth and drew many diagrams for us to understand exactly what he had seen and had to do.  He mentioned that if the surgery had been done by a doctor who wasn't very aware of the nerve split, it could have been very bad.  Immediately, I was thankful that Noah was placed in his hands.  I had always felt peace about this doctor.  (He wasn't Noah's usual ENT, his ENT actually referred us to him due to his expertise as a surgeon of these type issues.)  He also told us that only one bone in Noah's ear, the stapes, was abnormal.  And it was the bone prosthesis that gives him the best possibility of hearing again.  The other two bones, which could have been more complicated to restore hearing, were fine.  So he took Noah's stapes out, and replaced it with a prosthesis.  He rebuilt Noah's ear drum with some cartilage from his own ear and then completed the surgery.  There is another awesome element of this surgery as well.  He had planned to make an incision and basically lay Noah's ear open to do this procedure.  Even though Noah had the split nerve, he was able to see well enough with the endoscope to do the procedure without making the incision!  This is really awesome because that would have added to Noah's discomfort and recovery aspects.
Jason said to me, "now we know why this was the perfect timing."  Noah hasn't been able to hear since birth and we knew it was probably due to a congenital defect in the ear.  However, Noah's journey has been carefully played out one step at a time.  Yes we have ultimately made decisions about what is next, but I can tell you that God has led us to know when to take the next step.  I can't completely explain it, but somehow my heart has known even without knowing what is going on.  Sometimes you just can't fully explain it, it's the living spirit of Christ and I am forever eternally thankful for the love of God.  And sometimes even though we get scared, feel anxious, mad at the situation, and even feel like we have no idea how to hear from God, when all is said and done, it makes perfect sense.  I can say that I am not sure of why things happen in this life, but I can say I am sure God is with us every step of the way.  His love for us surpasses our understanding, but in my heart I have a constant reassurance He is always present.  He can handle our emotions, and we don't have to have it all figured out.  I know Jesus was with Noah, I just know it.  He was guiding the surgeon's hands just as many had prayed.  He was holding my hand and giving me peace in the middle of my worries.
And as for Noah, his only complaint was that the mask they put on him was covering his eyes and he couldn't see.  He woke up from surgery smiling.  The nurse said he was very mature for his age and was the best patient of the day.  We hear that a lot, amazement at the strength and understanding he has to be such a young boy.  I also can't explain the special spirit Noah has, but I can say that I am extremely thankful that God chose me to be his mother.  Noah's journey has broke my heart more than I  could express, but the pure joy and love I feel from being entrusted to care for him makes it all make sense.  He has been my greatest teacher in discovering how much God loves us.  I have a feeling Noah will teach many people the love of God over the course of His life.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

I have a feeling Noah definitely knows that full well, and I absolutely know he is fearfully and wonderfully made.

  

The Love of My LIfe

I am blessed with a wonderful husband.  He definitely makes life fun!  His energy is contagious and has carried me through many times when I've had none!

But my husband also has an amazing heart.  I want to share something that he did recently that made me really proud to be his wife.

One of the managers he works under was recently diagnosed with cancer.  He is really young.  He is really sick and has been in the hospital for a while.  

A couple of weeks ago, Jason went to speak to a group of new salesmen.  He is really successful at work, and has encouraged and helped many others to have success in their job.  His heart is always looking to offer advice to anyone who reaches out to him.  I love that about him!  

He was in the area, so he went by to visit his friend in the hospital.  But he went above just visiting.  He took his ukelele in and played for him. He mentioned that it must be hard to just lay in a hospital bed all the time, so he was hoping to lift his spirits.  

As he was playing, a lady about my age walked by.  She asked the nurse to ask Jason to come play for her as well.  So he did.  He played for a complete stranger.  And it made her day.

Not only did he play for them, he played his ukelele walking down the halls of the hospital and in the elevator.  He said people were smiling and giving him thumbs up.  And he did this in his work uniform, which made me laugh.  A really tall, handsome Orkin man, walking around the halls of a hospital playing a little ukelele.

After I got off the phone with him, I actually cried.  It touched my heart so deeply.  One of the things I love most about my husband is that he doesn't think about what other people think about him.  He is genuine.  Sometimes people, really uptight people, don't know how to take this freedom he expresses.  But I LOVE IT!  I know God blessed me in the most amazing way when he brought Jason into my life.  I actually was one of those uptight people who didn't like him so much when I first met him.  But I'm glad I gave him a chance because he has helped me to overcome so much.  I couldn't ask for a better life partner.  

I love you Jason.  I couldn't ask for a better husband.  I am thankful that God paired us together in this life.  I know eternity is going to be even better.  And I know you worry that you won't be able to kiss me in heaven, but I have a feeling God won't mind if we do.  

Noah's Surgery

Noah will have surgery on his right ear on May 24th.  He has had hearing loss in that ear since birth.  Now that his left ear is healthy, it is time for the next step on his healing journey.  An MRI detected a structural abnormality of the bones in his middle ear.  His ear drum is also very retracted.

So the ear surgeon suggested that his ear drum needed to be fixed and that a prosthesis can be be used to replace the bones that aren't functioning correctly.  

When hearing tests are done, there is a way to bypass the middle ear and do a bone test to see if the nerves are working to transmit sound.  Good news is that Noah has the ability to hear, but the middle ear bones are not delivering the sounds to the inner ear.  So if all is successful, and we are believing for that, he will be able to hear!  

Of course my Mama heart is anxious.  It's a 3 hour surgery.  Of course I'd take it away if I could.  Of course I am praying A LOT! 

But OF COURSE, our God has provided a way. Again.  I don't know what the outcome will be, but my heart has peace.  If Noah's hearing is restored, I will be leaping and maybe even do a cartwheel, even if it's only on the inside.  I am VERY THANKFUL that this procedure exists to give Noah the opportunity to heal.  HOW MIRACULOUS IS THAT!!! 

I pray that his body accepts the prosthesis and my boy can hear.  I pray that the doctor's hands are guided by Jesus' hands.  I pray that Noah's recovery is quick and painless.  I pray for comfort in those praying for him.  I commission angels to surround him always, but maybe a few more angels will show up on May 24th at 1 p.m.  

As always, when my heart is sad, God reminds me that Noah is in the palm of His hand and He loves him far more than I ever could imagine.  That has to be an insane amount, because I sure do love him a lot. 

When you pray for Noah and our family, I feel your strength.  So to those of you praying for us, thank you so very much.    

Enjoy the Ride

This year, I felt God calling me to discover the "basics".  Sounds vague doesn't it!

 Sometimes life gets so overcomplicated.  I sometimes find myself digging into a deep hole of trying to find the "best way" to carry out my days on this Earth. I want to know how my Father intended me to live out this fleeting moment.  I don't want to get caught up in the rapid flow of the world.  Instead, I want to be carried in the flow by my Creator.  I think that means, doing things differently. 

Sometimes I don't even think I know who "I" am so much.   But I do know I want to be AUTHENTIC! I want meaningful relationships.  I want to LOVE this journey! The ups and the downs....because it's all GOD!

I want to live in the moment.  Cliche', yes, but to really notice the beauty of the place of the stream I'm on, not looking ahead to see where the other fish are! I think all too often we miss Him because we focus too much on what others have that we don't.  

I want to be genuinely happy in the moment with an attitude of THANKS!  When I am thinking about who I can tell about my happiness, I'm probably not really "getting" it.  I'm still trying to please people. But when I'm loving life and giving thanks is enough, that's authentic.  

I want genuine relationships, where authentic is sometimes ugly!  I don't want to have to pretend I'm working the "formula" to have friends.  I want my life to be super intwined with my Daddy, so that I am not looking to others to verify my actions!  

So what does this "basic" mean?

So far, I've figured out it means being still.  Really listening and trusting God.  Not trying to fix things or people, but learning to love and forgive.  Recognizing old patterns and knowing that even though they arise, they do not define me.  Learning from the hard stuff!  Sitting with the hard stuff when I don't know what else to do.  Somewhere, there's the key to the next door.  This is basics.  

I don't have to know any formulas really.  Being really really present and open to learn from experiences is the only formula I need.  Jesus solved them all.  I just have to rest in Him.  I feel like for the first time in my life, I'm learning what my identity in Christ means.  And it has by no means been "normal".  God has led me in some new streams, but I'm enjoying this ride.  After all, isn't the one who created us the best Captain to choose!

Update on Mr. Noah

Noah has already had a busy year on his journey to healing!  We found out in January that the pin-size hole in his left ear drum was closed!  It was a long wait, but well worth it!  I am thankful that his ear is healthy and hearing well! It was a day I will always remember!
He also got a great report on his eye exam last Friday! He had the surgery to correct the lazy eye when he was 3 and his eyes were starting to drift out a bit last year.  We decided to take him back to our local guy, instead of the pro-surgery Vanderbilt guy because, well, that surgery was the toughest!  So I felt God leading us back there, and about 8 months later, Noah's eyes are looking great!  He only has to wear his glasses for reading, computer, school work, and TV time!
The next step is to get his right ear functioning better.  Noah's hearing tests have always been a confusing thing.  We know he has the ability to transmit sound waves to the brain, but something in the middle ear has prevented all sounds from getting to the inner ear, so he has a big hearing loss in that ear.  He went to see a new ENT who does surgery to correct structural ear issues.  He discovered that Noah's right ear drum was very retracted and needs to be fixed as soon as possible.  So we scheduled a cat scan for next month and will go from there.
I am so very thankful for the progress and so very thankful for the procedures to help Noah hear better!
God works in many ways, and I trust that in each step, Noah is being carried in His hands.  I'm thankful that through this journey, I have learned so much about what it means to really trust God.  And that MIRACLES come in many forms.  Sometimes it takes a season(or two) to learn that, but in the end God is always GOOD!  He's always on our side!

I love this.....

This is on my Gungor CD.  I found this video on You Tube and wanted to share it and the words.  So powerful. Totally awesome representation of our Father! Thank you Amena Brown for sharing your amazing talent of word expression!

He is here.
He’s right here.
In this room; in your heart.

He is near.
Nearer than breath; heartbeat.
Nearer than you are to you, closer than second chance, or next opportunity.
Closer than tonight, or yesterday.

He is real.
More real than touch; see, hear, smell, or taste.
More real than reality; he is our reality!
More real than joy, pain, sorrow, or the love of being in love.

He is present.
Like space, wind, time, silence, night.

He is waiting.
Like; creation.
Like words on the tip of tongue.
Like; songs that have yet to be sung.

He is beauty.
And oranges, blues, every hue, every shade.
Sunset and sunrise whisper his name.

He is holy.
Cannot be touched, explained, like; sweet seconds of prayer.
Like; grandmother on knees.
Wood floor, bare.

He is old hymns.
The extending of limbs, stretched across trees;
strives to heal disease.

He is son.
Distinctly three; distinctly one.
The only one.
The only wise.
The only resurrector of lives.

He is king.
And no earthly throne can house him.
No amount of elegant words can espouse him.

He is moment, and voice.
Power of choice.
And word.
And deed.
And fruit.
And seed.

Nailed hands; nailed feet.
Innocent wounds, that bleed.

He is believe.
He is all
He is call, and purpose.

Everything we can sacrifice he’s worth it, and more.
Much more.

Our good deeds are mere pities; we’re never even to score.

He is behold.
And wow, he is who, what, when, why, how.

He is the one who puts on the show.
He is the one that we turn to see.
He is souls’ cry, and sinners’ bleed.

He is the epitome that no one can light a candle to or, come within a million-foot pole of.

He is above.
He is a father’s love.
Maker of waves, of earth and wind.
Ancient of days.

Has no fear.
Have no fear!
Have no fear! Our God is here
Read more at http://www.lyrics.com/we-will-runhe-is-here-lyrics-gungor.html#5IwX4gDICwApzBDc.99 

a few of my favorite things to give thanks for.....

1.  My Creator, My God, My Source.

2.  My Husband.  My Bear.  Love of my life.  Best guy ever!

3.  My sweet sweet sweet Noah Zander.  Makes my heart burst with overflowing thankfulness.

4.  My sweet sweet sweet Elijah Rayne.  Little finger rub guy.  Kind.  Affectionate.  Funny!

5.  My sweet sweet sweet Ava Mae.  Amazingly smart and intuitive.  My baby.  Gentle.

6.  My parents.  Caring, loving, giving.  Amazing grandparents.

7.  My sisters.  All sweet, unique, and full of love.

8.  My brother.   Such a gentle spirit and a great Father.

9.  All my in-laws.  I love my extended family.  Blessed beyond measure.

10. Nieces.  Beautiful.

11. Nephews. Full of fun.

12. Aunts and Uncles. Inspiring.

13. My Granny.  Sweet, loving, caring, beautiful.

14. My friends.  I have so many unique wonderful friends and love them dearly.

15. My neighbors.  Giving. Caretakers. Kind. 

16. My home. warm. cozy. perfect for this sweet family.

17. My car. reliable. big. 

18. The library. BOOKS. MOVIES. MUSIC. 

19. Food. Nourishment.

20. My health. Strong. Whole. Complete.

21. Nature. Healing. Soothing. Oneness.

22. Owls. Mysterious. Awesome.

23. Ladybugs. Cute. Intricate. Beneficial.

24. Warm fuzzy socks. warm. fuzzy. 

25. Good music. healing. motivational. reflective. inspiring.

26. Hot chocolate and hot tea. mmmm. warming. sweet.

27. Laughter. Medicine.

28. My bed. most comfy ever. warm. rest.

29. Yoga. restorative. relaxing. reflective.

30. The beach. peace. closeness. beauty.

31. Chocolate. no explanation needed.

32. Warm Baths. relaxing. 

33. Silliness. Fun. Necessary.

34. Hugs. Needed. Warm. 

   

THANKFUL

I've had a morning case of "not good enough" syndrome.  The source of this today: blogs, pinterest, facebook, instagram, you know, "those people" who seem to have it all together, *clearing throat*, or my perception of what all together looks like.  And it's not those sources fault I feel this way today, it's me.  Me, me, me, me.
I have researched starting a new blog, a GOOD blog, you know like the ones that have a blue billion followers and their lives are FULL of excitement.  I thought, "maybe I could make some money writing  a blog" and "maybe I could blog about this or that and really reach people?" After researching for a little bit, I started thinking, "this for real blogging stuff is hard core", "my little blog only has 14 followers after 5 years", "I'm not good at anything really", and  "who would want to read MY stuff?"  It's comical really, it's self-centered, and it's judgmental.  It's COMICAL!!!!
After doing all of this, my friend Michelle, and I were texting about an experience she had this morning.  A complete stranger told her she bookmarked her blog because it looked inspirational. And she just texted me that she got the job she was hoping to get!! YAY!! Sounds like we are having two separate types of days! lol  Anyway, I was thinking, how cool would it be to have that experience happen.  I was super happy for her awesome day, but still thinking about how to better MY blog.
I have been reading blogs for years, and I love connecting with other women this way.  Being a stay at home mom can sometimes be a bit lonely in the area of adult friendship, so I have enjoyed getting to feel somewhat connected with these women.  However, I have never pursued putting myself out there because of the above mentioned "not good enough" syndrome.
You know why Michelle had a total stranger mention her blog? Because God wanted her to know sharing her authentic self was making a difference.  It's very apparent when you read her posts that she is sharing from her heart.  I really desire to be authentic like that, but that will never happen as long as I feel like I have to be "good enough."
Beyond the scope of blogging, I was thinking earlier today, "what am I good at?"  I'm not super crafty, even though I love to attempt an occasional craft project and love shopping for crafty stuff.  I'm not obsessed with photography, even though I have a good camera and enjoy taking pictures.  I'm working on losing weight (13 pounds so far, woot woot!) and becoming healthier. I am even passionate about learning about natural health, but I don't know if that means anything other than I can share with those who want help.  I have spiritual wisdom and I love Jesus, and do share about that often, but that's kind of a personal thing.   I know I am a good mother, and thought that a parenting blog would be good, but then found another blog named exactly what I so cleverly thought about.  I am not really sure what my blogging niche would be.  And I asked myself, "what is the purpose of all of this mind chatter today?"
Then it hit me, I know one thing I am very good at.  Being hard on myself.  Why do I think I NEED to have a blog that appeals to the masses?  There is nothing wrong with doing that, but why would that make me a better person?  Because really all those thoughts about myself were just screaming "you're not good enough!"  I know that isn't true, I know I am good enough right where I'm at today, but some days it's hard to grasp that truth.  Today, I needed to go through this process to get back to reality.  I think women/mothers/wives are often caught up in this comparison game.  Even while cheering those we are genuinely happy for on, there is a little "not good enough" monster sitting on our shoulder.  I have challenged myself, quite often actually, to stop, breathe, and give some insane THANKS for what I have in all realms of my life.  I can be thankful for my house TODAY, as it is, not what pinterest posts tell me it is not.  I can be thankful that I have a nice camera that takes awesome pictures whenever the mood strikes.  I can be thankful that I have health. I can walk, talk, taste, see, and hear!  I can be thankful for my family, which is easier for me to do, but even a little more thankful that I have them in my presence to love today.  I can be thankful for my friends, church family, and even strangers on the street.  And I am a thankful person, but on days like today, when nothing seems good enough, I don't seem good enough, I have to pause, shut the chatter in my head, and focus on what really matters, MORE THANKFULNESS!  Being thankful and content, for I have SO many blessings in my life.  I have worth, I have a voice, I have things to share.  I am thankful that God turned my stinking thinking into joyful praise today.  I really really am thankful and GOOD enough, actually I'm better than GOOD, I'm exactly as I'm supposed to be.
Hope you enjoyed this authentic blog. :)