I've had a morning case of "not good enough" syndrome. The source of this today: blogs, pinterest, facebook, instagram, you know, "those people" who seem to have it all together, *clearing throat*, or my perception of what all together looks like. And it's not those sources fault I feel this way today, it's me. Me, me, me, me.
I have researched starting a new blog, a GOOD blog, you know like the ones that have a blue billion followers and their lives are FULL of excitement. I thought, "maybe I could make some money writing a blog" and "maybe I could blog about this or that and really reach people?" After researching for a little bit, I started thinking, "this for real blogging stuff is hard core", "my little blog only has 14 followers after 5 years", "I'm not good at anything really", and "who would want to read MY stuff?" It's comical really, it's self-centered, and it's judgmental. It's COMICAL!!!!
After doing all of this, my friend
Michelle, and I were texting about an experience she had this morning. A complete stranger told her she bookmarked her blog because it looked inspirational. And she just texted me that she got the job she was hoping to get!! YAY!! Sounds like we are having two separate types of days! lol Anyway, I was thinking, how cool would it be to have that experience happen. I was super happy for her awesome day, but still thinking about how to better MY blog.
I have been reading blogs for years, and I love connecting with other women this way. Being a stay at home mom can sometimes be a bit lonely in the area of adult friendship, so I have enjoyed getting to feel somewhat connected with these women. However, I have never pursued putting myself out there because of the above mentioned "not good enough" syndrome.
You know why Michelle had a total stranger mention her blog? Because God wanted her to know sharing her authentic self was making a difference. It's very apparent when you read her posts that she is sharing from her heart. I really desire to be authentic like that, but that will never happen as long as I feel like I have to be "good enough."
Beyond the scope of blogging, I was thinking earlier today, "what am I good at?" I'm not super crafty, even though I love to attempt an occasional craft project and love shopping for crafty stuff. I'm not obsessed with photography, even though I have a good camera and enjoy taking pictures. I'm working on losing weight (13 pounds so far, woot woot!) and becoming healthier. I am even passionate about learning about natural health, but I don't know if that means anything other than I can share with those who want help. I have spiritual wisdom and I love Jesus, and do share about that often, but that's kind of a personal thing. I know I am a good mother, and thought that a parenting blog would be good, but then found another blog named exactly what I so cleverly thought about. I am not really sure what my blogging niche would be. And I asked myself, "what is the purpose of all of this mind chatter today?"
Then it hit me, I know one thing I am very good at. Being hard on myself. Why do I think I NEED to have a blog that appeals to the masses? There is nothing wrong with doing that, but why would that make me a better person? Because really all those thoughts about myself were just screaming "you're not good enough!" I know that isn't true, I know I am good enough right where I'm at today, but some days it's hard to grasp that truth. Today, I needed to go through this process to get back to reality. I think women/mothers/wives are often caught up in this comparison game. Even while cheering those we are genuinely happy for on, there is a little "not good enough" monster sitting on our shoulder. I have challenged myself, quite often actually, to stop, breathe, and give some insane THANKS for what I have in all realms of my life. I can be thankful for my house TODAY, as it is, not what pinterest posts tell me it is not. I can be thankful that I have a nice camera that takes awesome pictures whenever the mood strikes. I can be thankful that I have health. I can walk, talk, taste, see, and hear! I can be thankful for my family, which is easier for me to do, but even a little more thankful that I have them in my presence to love today. I can be thankful for my friends, church family, and even strangers on the street. And I am a thankful person, but on days like today, when nothing seems good enough, I don't seem good enough, I have to pause, shut the chatter in my head, and focus on what really matters, MORE THANKFULNESS! Being thankful and content, for I have SO many blessings in my life. I have worth, I have a voice, I have things to share. I am thankful that God turned my stinking thinking into joyful praise today. I really really am thankful and GOOD enough, actually I'm better than GOOD, I'm exactly as I'm supposed to be.
Hope you enjoyed this authentic blog. :)
