As do most people, I made a resolution this year to improve my health. I don't think the past few years I have gotten too goal oriented on this matter, because I was either pregnant or had a wee-wittle baby. However, health and wellness is a passion of mine. I think it might even be my ministry, not sure how that will develop, but I enjoy it and think about helping other people A LOT!
I made a vision board and wrote down a few goals that I am striving for in life. It was a positive experience because I really don't live life out of a lack mentality anymore. My mantra really is limitless! I know it takes time and patience to go from 0 to 100, but I have real hope and peace.
So this year, my health goals feel attainable. My vision board has a before picture of me on it, and I have a goal outfit on. It doesn't fit, lol. And honestly, it's not that great or anything, but I want to fit into it! The t-shirt was given to me when I was pregnant with Elijah and the back of it says "Metamorphosis" with a purple butterfly. I just love it because it came from a special couple during a special occasion in our lives. It was small and I have NEVER worn it, until I took that picture. Anyway, I can't wait to wear it and it will fit!
I have had a mind shift. I have allowed my thyroid problems to really dominate my view of my health. I let it take me to that "victim" place. I used it as the excuse for why I always felt low-energy and couldn't lose weight despite knowing SO much about natural health and wellness. It was real and I did feel very bad at times, but much of my weight gain is my own fault. I ate too much, even if it was healthier choices, and exercised too little. Simple as that!
I know the reality that even though I eat WAY healthier than I used to in my skinny days, I now have a food issue. I do emotional eat and I do seek food for comfort when I am having a rough day. And I eat when I'm bored. I know where this all started, after the birth of Noah. Before this, I didn't have a food emotional issue, but through the emotions of those experiences, I turned to food. Sometimes it was even obsessive on the healthy end, because I wanted control. But once I would make a mistake, I would give up and unconciously eat for comfort.
So, that brings me to NOW. I am at a good mental place. I still love food and want to eat for comfort, but I'm seeing what it is when it happens and make the choice not to do it. I used to give myself the excuse that I am eating organic/whole foods, which is a better choice, but I still ate TOO much and emotionally ate it! I have taught health and wellness classes at church a couple of times. The first time, I was actually pretty healthy and in a good place. In the middle of teaching these, I got pregnant and miscarried, and couldn't keep teaching. I was just too devastated to continue. I then became really obsessive about eating natural and organic because I felt like I needed to control anything I could so I wouldn't lose another baby. I was off the deep end emotionally and began to live in a crazy cycle of eating/exercising and then overeating/not exercising, depending upon my emotional state.
Last year, a friend asked me to teach health and wellness to our ladie's life group on Sunday morning. I said "yes" but felt like a hipocrite. I did do the things I taught and many of the women were blessed by it, but I condemned myself because I didn't "practice what I preached" 100% of the time. Silly I know, because who does it all right all the time. Then I heard another friend say, "we usually teach and focus on what we really are trying to overcome ourselves." Wow, that was an eye opener.
I am passionate about healthy living, really passionate actually. I love reading about it and helping others. It is a natural passion and I see it more clearly as that now. I heard this past week that many times our "ministry" is formed out of our biggest struggles/hardships/hurdles in life. I had another moment of revelation. Since Noah's birth, our family has faced a lot of physical health issues. We have paid A LOT of our income to medical bills. I have had a really hard time with my thyroid. I have been prayed for A LOT and have prayed A LOT concerning healing. I do believe in the power of healing, 100% even though sometimes it didn't happen the way I would have liked. I will never stop believing that by His stripes I am healed.
I also believe that we have choices to make. Just because I believe in healing, doesn't mean I can mistreat my body. I CAN choose to eat healthy, I CAN choose to not overeat, and I CAN choose to exercise. I am ABLE to do all these things and have NO excuses to not do them. I realize that with having a health challenge, you may have bad days and you may get sick, but it shouldn't dictate the good days! I let my thyroid dictate my good days, even if they weren't that often for a while. I fell victim to the circumstance instead of holding onto the promise of healing. I am holding onto that promise and seeing EVERY challenge as a vehicle to get me to my destiny.
So I am making better choices, and knowing that if I mess up, I am not doomed to stay that way. I have the tools, I know the basics, plus some, and I have the strength of the holy spirit guiding me. I will become healthier and I will share this with others. I will be patient and kind to myself. I will be open to seeing different avenues that I haven't seen before. I know I do not have to believe that because I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition that I have no hope of healing. I will believe as long as I have to that I am healed. If nothing happens, and I believe until I die, so be it. I know that my Father will give me the tools on my path to being delivered from this. I just know it.
I know this post is ALL over the place, but I had to proclaim it. I have already seen the fruit of it since I made the decision to live it. I look forward to feeling even better and seeing how God uses me to minister to others.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Humble
hum·ble
adjective
1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.
4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong. (HA!)
5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.
verb (used with object)
6. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
7. to destroy the independence, power, or will of.
8. to make meek: to humble one's heart.
Soooo, the other day I was talking/whining to God about my perceived insecurity issue. I kept hearing the word humble. I thought, I try like HECK to be humble, and will go out of my way to keep someone from thinking I feel superior, because I don't AT ALL. Why was that word surfacing? I realized I am humble to a fault.
And I kept thinking, how do you balance out being humble with being true to who you are. Then I looked up "humble", and guess what, I'm not the only one who sees the good and bad side of that word. I highlighted the negative ones, the lack mentality defintions. The first defintion is what humble should look like, but I was seeing humble as more like 2 and 3.
See, I have this problem sometimes. I will say things about myself that I don't believe, just to relate to someone. Like, "I do that too", or "I'm this or I'm that"...in negative ways often. And I am not being dishonest, at some point, I could relate, and maybe sometimes I still can. People want to relate, it is natural, but we should strive to relate in secureness of who we are, not who we are not.
Honestly, I know who I am, deep down, and somewhere along the path from the heart to the head to the mouth, I mess it up. For the sake of sounding "humble", I will downplay who I am so that I don't appear to know what I know. And it's not arrogance, it has nothing to do with comparison to someone else or feeling superior. In fact, I will make myself sound ignorant to make someone else feel more comfortable. (yes, I have issues) Some people might say that is kind/sweet, but it's not a peaceful feeling, because I am not representing myself well. And words have POWER, so I shouldn't speak falsely about myself.
It's really about knowing how much God loves me, and when I can really see that, I should accept it. It's like my spirit is whispering, "why are you saying that? It's not true." I might have believe it in the past, but once I know my identity isn't based upon my weaknesses, I should stop professing them.
When I write, I can really express my heart. But when I am talking to someone, for the sake of being "humble", I often don't share what my spirit says. This is all related to my conversation with God about insecurity. Turns out, I am really not that insecure, I know my identity in Him, so that's another false perception of myself. I think I have tried so hard to be humble, that I've made it negative and it appeared as though I am insecure. I'm thankful that God corrected my thinking, because now I see it for what it is, and make steps in the right direction.
So now I understand what humble means and what it doesn't, and how we can be humble to a fault! TRYING to be humble, instead of operating out of my identity, which is naturally humble and successful, is where I was in error. I have a lot of learning to do, a lot of wisdom to hear, and my hope is that while I'm receiving, I can learn to be comfortable representing myself with confidence. I have to learn not to care so much about other's opinions, because most of the time, it's a vain imagination to think someone else is judging me. And even if they are, oh well, it's not true, my Daddy says so. :)
P.S. This was really hard to publish, but I humbled myself to put it out there, because maybe it will minister to someone else.
adjective
1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.
4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong. (HA!)
5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.
verb (used with object)
6. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
7. to destroy the independence, power, or will of.
8. to make meek: to humble one's heart.
Soooo, the other day I was talking/whining to God about my perceived insecurity issue. I kept hearing the word humble. I thought, I try like HECK to be humble, and will go out of my way to keep someone from thinking I feel superior, because I don't AT ALL. Why was that word surfacing? I realized I am humble to a fault.
And I kept thinking, how do you balance out being humble with being true to who you are. Then I looked up "humble", and guess what, I'm not the only one who sees the good and bad side of that word. I highlighted the negative ones, the lack mentality defintions. The first defintion is what humble should look like, but I was seeing humble as more like 2 and 3.
See, I have this problem sometimes. I will say things about myself that I don't believe, just to relate to someone. Like, "I do that too", or "I'm this or I'm that"...in negative ways often. And I am not being dishonest, at some point, I could relate, and maybe sometimes I still can. People want to relate, it is natural, but we should strive to relate in secureness of who we are, not who we are not.
Honestly, I know who I am, deep down, and somewhere along the path from the heart to the head to the mouth, I mess it up. For the sake of sounding "humble", I will downplay who I am so that I don't appear to know what I know. And it's not arrogance, it has nothing to do with comparison to someone else or feeling superior. In fact, I will make myself sound ignorant to make someone else feel more comfortable. (yes, I have issues) Some people might say that is kind/sweet, but it's not a peaceful feeling, because I am not representing myself well. And words have POWER, so I shouldn't speak falsely about myself.
It's really about knowing how much God loves me, and when I can really see that, I should accept it. It's like my spirit is whispering, "why are you saying that? It's not true." I might have believe it in the past, but once I know my identity isn't based upon my weaknesses, I should stop professing them.
When I write, I can really express my heart. But when I am talking to someone, for the sake of being "humble", I often don't share what my spirit says. This is all related to my conversation with God about insecurity. Turns out, I am really not that insecure, I know my identity in Him, so that's another false perception of myself. I think I have tried so hard to be humble, that I've made it negative and it appeared as though I am insecure. I'm thankful that God corrected my thinking, because now I see it for what it is, and make steps in the right direction.
So now I understand what humble means and what it doesn't, and how we can be humble to a fault! TRYING to be humble, instead of operating out of my identity, which is naturally humble and successful, is where I was in error. I have a lot of learning to do, a lot of wisdom to hear, and my hope is that while I'm receiving, I can learn to be comfortable representing myself with confidence. I have to learn not to care so much about other's opinions, because most of the time, it's a vain imagination to think someone else is judging me. And even if they are, oh well, it's not true, my Daddy says so. :)
P.S. This was really hard to publish, but I humbled myself to put it out there, because maybe it will minister to someone else.
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