As for me, I haven't had a good day. :( I am emotionally drained because we got more bad news with Noah's health. The ear doctor removed the tube that had started working it's way out of his left ear. (they were surgically placed to help drain fluid when he was 8 mos. old). After he got it out, he said that the ear drum had a hole in it from the tube. Bad news because this is the rare bad thing that can happen after getting tubes, like a 1% chance for it to not close. This was his good ear also. He has mild hearing loss in his right ear due to structural defects. So now we have to make sure the ear doesn't get wet or he could get a nasty infection. Anyone with a toddler in a tub knows how hard that is going to be. He has to have his hearing checked even more often because of risk of hearing loss. And the likelihood of it closing on it's own is very rare according to the doctor. He pretty much thought it was impossible, so surgery is probably going to have to be done to repair it. And often it takes a lot of tries to finally close it. That's the LAST thing I want to hear right now, more surgery!!! I hate that word! The doctor felt really bad since he knew about the heart surgery next week, he really cares for Noah and says he's never seen a child go through so many things in 2 years. So I have been broken about this all day. If this were all we had to deal with, it wouldn't feel so overwhelming, but it's always something new! I just want a break, is that selfish? I know we are blessed to have Noah alive, I know there are kids who are way more worse off, but this is my baby and I want to protect him. I feel so helpless, it's out of my control. I rely on my faith to get me through and it never lets me down, but days like today sure test it, and make me wonder why Noah has to go through so much.
He's such a sweet little guy and is so strong. I know this is much harder on me than him, but it makes me so sad when I can see the fear in his eyes because he knows that a doctor or nurse is going to do something to him. He's so timid with strangers and I know it's because he has been through so much. He doesn't trust anyone and I know it's probably temporary, but it's still sad that he is so defensive. I feel guilty even complaining, but I just feel like getting it off my chest is always helpful.
